The Sound of Brotherhood
by CercandoUnaVoce
Summary: While tensions arise between Bravo Team members, a simple mission goes south and the team has to split leaving Clay lost. Facing the consequences of their choices, the whole Bravo Team struggles to keep the pieces together. There, Ray starts doubting himself, Sonny starts doubting everyone and everything, and Trent has to be the one to step up for them all.
1. Chapter 1

Bravo Team found themselves hiding in one of the few rooms the small African hotel had to offer. The whole neighborhood was practically on fire when they arrived there, and as usual, the escalating situation did not give them much time to waste.

Jason and his team reached their objectives right before the irreparable happened. In a flash, they neutralized the imminent threats and secured the small group of Americans they were there to recover.

The crowded space made them feel trapped, but keeping their cool while they made sure no armed men would approach their location unnoticed was essential.  
As soon as Clay and Sonny were well placed in a guard position, Trent could start checking on the civilians, the two children first, then the woman, then the fifty-something aged man, AKA the real reason why they were sent there in such a hurry, and last, completing the picture, the two younger men.

"HVOC we reached 'ruby', package secure. We're ready for exfil," Jason said, looking out the window.

_"Solid copy Bravo One, evac will be there in 2 mikes."_ Commander Blackburn's voice sounded loud and clear from the radio.

"It's okay." Brock ducked near the children, making Cerberus sit next to them. "He will keep you safe. You don't have to worry." He winked at the mother, who was gratefully looking toward him, causing Trent to roll his eyes.

"How many other times are we gonna have to babysit stupid tourists that deliberately put themselves in dangerous situations?" Sonny asked with a grunt while getting into the van, only to find himself facing the VIP tourist they just rescued.

The gray headed man settled in, leaving Sonny the room to enter the van, while his dark, little eyes seemed to peer directly into the soldier's soul, leaving him the urge to explain his words.  
"Hey, no offence man, I'm just tired of this damn dusty air I have to put in my lungs every single time I open my mouth."

"Keep it closed then!" Clay felt like he could not lose the occasion to make fun of him, making everyone chuckle while Sonny instead gave him a powerful glare.

"No offence taken," the man said. "I'm sorry you had to come to the rescue."

"This is our job," Jason stepped in. "And we are happy to do it."

"Most of the time..." Sonny grumbled, spotting a smirk on his boss' face.

The rest of the ride was pretty quiet, however, there were children on board, and cracking their usual jokes could put the soldiers in big troubles with the pretty mom.

As the van pulled over inside the base camp, the group of guests found petty officer Lisa Davis welcoming them.  
As soon as they were in the open air again, the children's eyes were captured by all the military vehicles coming and going from the camp's boundaries. It was pretty obvious that they had never seen so many uniformed guys -and girls- in their short lives.  
Their looks kept going from the barracks to the flagpole with the American flag fiercely exposed, passing by the lavatories and then stopping on the sick bay, a quite small building with a red cross painted on his walls, outside which a head busted soldier was quietly smoking his cigarette.

Their amused gasps quickly caught Sonny's attention, making him wonder what they could possibly admire so much in that damn place. It was surely not the best equipped or best dressed base he ever lived in. _Indeed, it's pretty much poor of everything a soldier may need to pass his days in this hell country, _he thought.

"Hey, you all good?" Davis briefly checked on the Team members, making sure they all came back in one piece, then she promptly went on taking care of the civilians, escorting them to the tent that would be their home till they would be able to fly back to the U.S.

"I was not kidding Boss, I'm sick of these kind of missions," Sonny said, getting rid of his vest. "We were here for almost a month and the situation hasn't changed a bit."

"I'm afraid it just has." Blackburn joined them. "Disorders are spreading, the rebels are getting bolder, and the national army can't keep up with them."

Sonny's eyes lit up and his hands immediately reached his rifle and tightened it in a solid grab.  
"So we're finally getting some real stuff?" He said, getting on his tiptoes with all his muscles tensed, like a child in the sight of the ice-cream truck.

"In the next few days we are expecting the conflicts to reach their climax. Prepare for the action, you will might have to get dirty."

"So no more of those babysitting things, am I understanding correct?" Sonny insisted.

They all stared at their commander's furrowed brow, trying to decode his silence and impatiently waiting for his lips to disclose in a positive answer.

"Didn't say that. It still is our primary task, sorry."

"Oh, come on!" They all let out frustration grunts.

"Go get some sleep now, you earned it," Blackburn ordered, getting back into the command center.

"Yeah..." Sonny waited until the commander was out of sight. "I was thinking more about a drink first. Who's with me?"

And as those words reached their ears, big smiles stamped on all Bravo Team members.

**... ... ...**

Five in the morning and all Bravo members were reunited in their barrack, or as they liked to call it, the toy's closet.  
In other conditions, a confined space full of grownup men -and a dog- all trying to get stock of their assets should not be a pleasant situation, but they all knew how to handle themselves, and the atmosphere there was usually light.

Jason was entertaining Cerberus while Brock filled his bowl, and Trent did not lose the chance to tease Sonny with his phobias' list while making sure the medic kit had all they could need in action.  
Only Ray was paying attention at how Clay was quietly packing his bag, with a dead look in his eyes.  
He knew that things have not been easy for the kid since his father announced his second book on TV, hinting he had a primary source still on active duty. And despite he wanted with every fiber of his body to believe in Clay's good faith, he felt that something may cracked in his relationship with the Team.

_He must be sleepy, just that, _he thought, glancing at him now and then to make sure nothing was really off with him. _The bunks here are really uncomfortable, none of us have had a really good sleep in ages. It must be just it..._

"I tell you one thing guys," Sonny said. "If the national army doesn't give us some space to act, the next time I'm not sure if I can control my aim... I mean incidents happen."

"Don't say that." Jason looked out the door. "We are guests here, remember that."

"Oh! Come on, Jace! Those stupid Bedouins prefer to hide their faces in a camel's bottom rather than help us out saving their own country."

"Hey, easy man!" Clay's eyes lighted up again. "This is pretty racist, don't you think?" He firmly said, not worried about spoiling the mood.

"We have a Bedouin Paladin here?" Sonny moved to face him.

"_Racist_, says the super white, blue-eyed Blondie." Ray intervened, drawing the attention on himself because he could not let that silent tension between those two rise more.

"Umph... 'cause, of course you think growing up in the black Liberia, looking like this," Clay indicated himself, "was a piece of cake, uh?"

"I keep forgetting about that," Ray admitted. "Well, you may have had your moments back then, but we both live in America now, don't we?"

Clay huffed, shaking his head.

"Yeah, it's not like you are getting discriminated for your skin color anymore." Brock added, petting Cerberus.

"Only for my last name, right?" Clay grinned.

"Well, you can always change that!" Sonny stepped in. "And maybe you really should..." he added, causing all the Team to look worriedly at them.

"So," Ray spoke, feeling trapped in a powder keg ready to explode. "You never told us how you ended up growing up there."

"I didn't." Clay continued whilst prepping his bag, feeling the tension slightly go off.

"So?" Ray stared at him, while all the others cocked their ears.

"Short version?" Clay looked at to the others curiosity.

Ray shrugged his shoulders. "Sure."

"Okay." Clay cleared his throat. "My parents got divorced. My dad was, you know... _him_, and my mom was, let's just say she was '_a _little_'_ messed up... So I just found myself at the age of six flying to Africa and living in a Christian mission with my mother's parents, who ran the thing. That's pretty much all."

The simple and synthetic way Clay could describe it all, made everyone silent as they stared at him.  
That story had much more to tell, they knew that, but what, it was not completely clear.  
His relationship with his father was clearly not perfect, so could he really be his source in writing the book? And was it on purpose? Or was he unconsciously trying to gain his father's approval telling him about how good he did during that particularmission?  
They couldn't know, and they couldn't ask, it would be useless if they couldn't trust his answer.

"Don't look at me like that, it was not that bad... They were the best people in the world." After those words came out of his mouth, they could only continue with what they were previously doing, thinking about the people they left alone while being deployed over there.

In that silence Jason's mind flew back home to Emma and Mickey. Hearing how much consideration Clay had for his grandparents made him glad his mother was home with his children, but at the other end, feeling how much resentment Clay had for his father, despite now being a seal himself, made him wonder if he could really be different from Ash, and if his children could really understand why he is pursuing this life.

**... ... ...**

Before midday came, Bravo team arrived back at the base camp, with the only hope they could finally catch their breath for a few moments before the next assignment, and started taking their armors off, but Blackburn's voice froze them in their positions.

"Sorry guys, your job is not over yet." The commander approached them. "Conflicts in the area are escalating fast and-"

"Yeah, Capitan Obvious, thank you so much," Sonny interrupted him, borderline disrespectful. "_We _were just out there!"

"And now _you_ are about to take your asses back there and evacuate St Claire mission 40 miles from here." Blackburn made Sonny down a notch.

"Copy that, sir," Jason made his men a clear sign to gear back up and obey the orders without further discussions.

When they arrived at the humanitarian mission they found chaos, with black and white people running back and forth in any direction.  
They jumped off their vehicles and headed to the principal tent, the bigger one right at the center of the camp.  
They were told the mission was led by four American citizens, which they quickly found there, clearly preparing for an evacuation.  
It was supposed to be an easy job, except that the missionaries didn't want to leave.

As the Bravo members entered the tent, they immediately identified two of the people they were supposed to escort to safety. They were the only white women in there, plus they were the once who were giving orders to everybody else.

"Who's in charge here?" Jason said, drawing their attention.

"What's going on? Who are you? Who sent you here?" A black American entered the tent, followed by a slightly younger blonde guy.

"Master chief Jason Hayes, U.S. navy seals," Jason tried to calm them down. "We are here to bring the four of you to safety."

"Oh, no! You don't understand!" the blonde guy objected. "You arrive here with your big planes, fully equipped, telling us to leave our home? To leave what we earned in the last two years? To go to safety, leaving the people who trust us here, defenseless? How can we do that?"

"We'll try to take who needs a hand with us and leave them in the shelters in the nearest town, that's all I can do for them." Jason tried to explain the leader of the small group.

"Well, that's not enough!" The red headed female stated, directing her green eyes directly to Jason, strong from her colleagues' approval.

"Believe me, I understand how much you care about these people, but my mission is to bring _you_ home safe and sound."

"_Your_ mission? And what about ours?" The lady kept arguing with him. "Who cares, right?"

"It's not what I'm saying miss," he tried to reply as politely as he could, but she went away from him.

"So what now?" Sonny asked. "We can't force them to come with us, can we?"

"They are only being stubborn, they will change their minds, just hope it will not be too late."

"They will not," Clay stepped in. "I grew up with people like this. They are fully committed to this life, this is everything for them. They would rather die than give up on these people."

"If that's what they want, they're gonna have it pretty soon." Sonny said, glancing out the tent.

There it was, the occasion Clay was waiting for to earn his teammates' trust again.  
"Let me try," he said, and, as soon as Jason nodded to him, he reached for the woman in charge, who stopped her packing just to glower him with her glacial green eyes.

"You will not do good to anyone if you are dead, you do know that, right?"

"Don't waste your breath, I'm not going to abandon my people here."

"Look, I know how you feel-"

"Really? You think you do?" She interrupted him. "What's your name soldier?" She carefully inspected him with a long stare.

"Clay Spenser, miss."

"Abigail, but call me Abby," she stated, without watching him anymore and frantically continuing to settle some medical stuffs. "You say you do, but you clearly don't. You would not be here talking to me then!"

"Miss, would you stop please? Can you just listen to me for one second?"

"It's Abby! And _you_ are the one who must listen, Clay!" She faced him, watching him directly in the eyes. "You and your team arrive here, do what you have to do, and then go back home while leaving innocent people to pay for your consequences. How can you possibly know how I feel?"

Clay pursed his lips while crossing his arms, his steely gaze locked on the woman in front of him.  
"I know because I grew up in a place just like this. It was during a civil war, and sometimes life wasn't good or safe back there either. And every time something bad happened, my grandparents refused to leave. They just sent me visiting my mom in the States.  
"I know, because whenever I got back to them, something was changed. The kids I used to go to school with were hurt or even worse, and some of the kids I used to play with were embracing guns instead of toys.  
"And every single time I looked in the mirror, I felt guilty, 'cause I had the privilege to leave in those bad moments, while the kids I used to call my friends were dying."

Overhearing the conversation from the distance, Sonny looked up to Jason, his eyes asking his boss if he had any idea about all of that.

"And you are still trying to convince us to leave?" Abigail slightly shook her head.

"Yes! Because when my grandparents played stubborn to stay, it was a bad choice. I mean, as much as I respected that, if they were here now, I would be the first one to bring them home. And that's exactly what I am trying to do for you." He made sure she was looking at him in the eyes.  
"You can do nothing against those rebels, they will not listen to your words. You can do nothing to protect these people right now. I tell you again: if you come to safety with us, you can come back later and help pick up the pieces, but if you get yourself killed, you will do no good to anyone."

She stared at him in silence.

"Look around you, your colleagues trust you, they will obey you. If you care about their lives, convince them to leave with us."

"Okay." Her eyes were wide as she stared up at him. "I'll try..."

"Thank you," Clay said, going back to the team to inform Jason on the new situation.

"Good job here." His boss nodded to him.

"Yeah, yeah, I have to admit that your charm never ceases to amaze," Sonny grinned.

"Let's go now, we have work to do!" Jason ordered.

**... ... ...**

Jason entered back in the tent where the missionaries were still frantically packing things and making sure everyone was present and ready to go.

"Okay, time's up, we have to move!" Jason rounded the people they had to evacuate, and took them up the hill, where two vans and a jeep were waiting for them.

"Wait, May is not here, we can't go without her!" Abigail exclaimed, searching carefully among the small crowd.

"Who's that now?" Jason asked.

"She's one of the orphans we take care of, she was here ten minutes ago... she must got scared and went to hide somewhere. I have to find her!"

"We can't wait anymore!" Jason grabbed her arm. "We have to take you with us."

"I am not going without her!" She quickly freed herself from him.

"And I am not going without you," the black American said, approaching her. "I'm coming with you."

"Alright, calm down here." Jason didn't let them move a single step. "You have both to get on the van, immediately." His tone was firm and direct.

"I said I'm not leaving!" Abigail's tone was even straighter than Jason's.

"I'll help her look," Clay intervened, still trying to prove something to his teammates.  
"Only a couple minutes, Boss." He looked at Jason. "You can start taking the others to safety, we'll be right back, I've got her."

"Okay," Jason sighed. "Ray, Trent, you're with the kid. Take the second van."

They nodded.

"Sonny, Brock, we are with the first convoy, let's go."

"Thanks," Abigail said, immediately starting to look for the girl.

"Hey! You'd better reach us in one piece," Jason said pointedly to Clay right before he followed the lady.

"We'll help you!" Two local women stepped up, detaching from the group and trying to reach the two leaving figures.

"Wait, wait, wait." Jason put his body before them, stopping their running attempt. "You're not going after her."

"We are not all going to enter in those first two vehicles," the shirt haired black woman said, facing him straight. "We might as well to help!"

"They're right, Boss." Ray said, mentally counting the van's seats and the amount of people they had to rescue.  
"We got them." He glanced at Trent, as to search for his approval.

"Alright, see you at the base," Jason said right before stepping on the jeep. "But be careful, understood?"

"Always." Ray nodded again, while keeping an eye on the two women which were now searching the surroundings.

"May!" Abigail's voice sounded through the desert camp. "May!" She frantically searched every tent and every little narrow angle where she thought a little girl could hide.

"Hey, she's not here, we have to go." Clay tried to take her back to the van.

"May!" Abigail ignored him, proceeding further in her search.

_"Bravo Six, you're going too far."_ Ray's voice sounded from Clay's radio. _"Come back, Kid. We're leaving. Now."_

"Hey, you heard him." Clay put a hand on Abigail's shoulder, trying to make her desist. "I have to take you back."

"Not without May! Not a chance!" Abigail insisted, freeing herself from his touch.

"Stop!" Clay suddenly grabbed her tight and made her a sign to stay quiet.  
"We have to go, now!" He whispered, spotting some militants heading toward them.

**... ... ...**

"What the hell is he waiting for?" Ray asked, walking back and forth from the van to the edge of the cliff. _Something is not right, he should have never gone with her... Damn, what was he trying to proof?_

"She's stubborn, we should not let her go in the first place," Trent said, preparing the van.

"May?" One of the woman's voice caught their attention. "You've been here the entire time?"

"That's her? That's the girl?" Ray immediately asked, as the woman made the girl come out of her shelter.

As she nodded, Ray took his radio. "Bravo Six, we have the girl. Come back, we have no time, the fighting is getting closer."

_"Closer than you think Bravo Two."_ Clay's feeble voice come out from their radios.

Trent looked Ray then they both looked down toward Clay's position.

_"I have eyes on-"_ the communication was fast interrupted by the start of a gunfight, and then a loud explosion made them all get duck on the ground.

"Clay!" Ray yelled while dust and send whipped up by the explosion was now covering his visual. "Damn it! Clay!"

"Come on, on the van, come on." Trent promptly made the three females get on the vehicle.

"Bravo Six do you copy?" Ray tried his radio. "Six, this is Two, what's your status?"

"Ray, we have to go," Trent insisted, as no response came from their radios. "We need to take them to safety."

"I am not leaving him behind!"

"We have no choice." Trent made him look toward the scared ladies. "There's no reason to lose five to save two. You know that. Clay knows that. We'll come back."

Ray looked at the three Africans, then back at the last known position of the kid. There were militants down there, already searching the mission's rests, and others were reaching them, ready to blow up everyone who got in their way.  
As soon as the militants acknowledge their position they would be trapped there. Another minute waiting and they would be totally screwed.

"Damn it!" He muttered jumping in the van with the others. "Come on. Let's go," he reluctantly said.  
_But we'll be back, Clay. I promise, _he looked back to him while Trent started the engine.  
_I'll come back for you, Kid, hold on!_ He repeated to himself as the van got further away from the fighting.

**... ... ...**

* * *

_**Author's Note:** Finding the courage to post again after a period of feeling lost was not easy for me. Please be patient._  
_I am working really hard to make something good out of this, with setting details and peaking in the Team's minds and emotions_.


	2. Chapter 2

The atmosphere in the command center was light and relaxed despite the active missions progressing out of the base. It was around midday, and the commander allowed most of the support personnel to take their break as their presence there was not necessary at that moment. Only five people were in the room: Blackburn, Mandy, Davis and other two soldiers.  
They were sure everything would go exactly as planned, after all, the Teams were just doing taxi services, so what could possibly go wrong?

Between a sip of coffee and a light chat, they kept glancing at the monitors to not lose track of the mission with an ear to the radio in case the seals would open the comms.

"Hey, what's happening there?" Davis suddenly pointed at her monitor.

"The fights are approaching Bravo's location." Blackburn acknowledged, looking closer. "Can't you zoom in more?"

"We only have this old satellite, no much details on these images," Davis quickly explained.

"Something's definitely not right!" Mandy sharpened her eyes to better observe the scene.

"All Bravo stations, report your status!" Blackburn commanded into the radio in his hand and his eyes fixed on the monitor.

_"Bravo One here, we are half way to the base."_ Jason's voice sounded loud and clear.

_"HAVOC, this is Two, we are Oscar Mike, but-"_ Ray's tone made immediately clear to all those listening that something was wrong, leaving them on hiatus.

"Two, go ahead. What happened?"

_"We lost sight on Bravo Six-"_ Ray paused again for what it seemed to be forever. _"We had to leave him there..." _He finally continued_._

_"You what?"_ Sonny instinctively jumped in the conversation. He knew that despite all that was going on between them, Clay did not deserve to be abandoned there.

"Bravo Two, say again your last," the Commander ordered, trying to ignore Davis and Mandy's shock.

_"Militants got here before Clay and the missioner could come back. There was an explosion and chaos struck."_ The guilt in Ray's voice was clear.

_"We had civilians with us, we had no choice,"_ Trent justified their actions.

Davis shared a look with Mandy, then they both looked up to Blackburn again. In their eyes he could see all Bravos', he could easily read all their dismay and he could just imagine the thoughts that were going through the SEALs' minds.  
They all knew the chances of seeing Clay alive again were very little. They doubted him, and now they may never be able to clarify things.

Blackburn knew that feeling could eat them alive, and he would not let it happen.  
He took a deep breath to clear his thoughts, his grip still strong on the radio, with his lips pursed, and his eyes lost in the void. But only for a second. He had to maintain control and make sure his men would do the same.

"All Bravo be advised-" He tried to keep his tone as firm and reassuring as possible. "Return to the base camp ASAP, we need a plan to get our man back."

_"Negative, we're still near,"_ Ray objected. _"We can reach him faster. We only need to deliver our passengers at the nearest refuge."_

"Negative, Bravo and Bravo Four need assistance, you can't face the militants by yourself."

_"We are not leaving him alone any longer than strictly necessary!"_

"That's an order, Senior Chief Perry!" Blackburn's straight tone made Davis and Mandy winch.  
"I can't lose you too!"

_"You have not lost Spenser! Not yet! Not if _I_ can do something!"_

Davis looked up to Blackburn. "The area is getting clearer now, satellite images shows that the militants will be out of there soon."

"Fine," the commander reluctantly said. "Go look, but you don't have the permission to engage. I repeat, do not engage!"

_"Copy that, sir."_

_"Five mikes from the passengers drop." _Trent intervened.

_"We are reaching you as soon as we can, Ray."_ Jason's voice sounded again. _"Don't do anything stupid!"_

**... ... ...**

Hot and muggy air penetrated deep in Clay's lungs as he started to regain consciousness. Feeling confused and beaten up he opened his blue eyes and Abigail was there with him.

_What the hell happened? Where are we? _He looked around, but from his down position he could only see her, and the low light barely allowed him to discern her features. She was sustaining his head, her red hair, sticky from the sweat, framed her dusty face, and her touch on his skin, as dirty and nasty as it must be, was very gentle. Her green eyes were fixed in his while he tried to clear his mind.

Clay's vision was blurred, and he had a loud ringing in his ears that disoriented him even more. He tried to focus on his sense of touch. His hand reached out to the back of Abigail's neck, then moved to her cheeks. Her skin was soft, like she hadn't actually lived in the desert for long, and sweaty as the temperature there, wherever _there_ was, was high as hell.

_She seems to be all in one piece_. Clay groaned as he tried to move. _Let's see if I can say the same about me..._ He closed his eyes.  
It took a couple of minutes for the situation to normalize, but the background noise in his ears wouldn't go away.

_The explosion... Yes..._ With Abigail's help, he managed to move in a sitting position.  
"Abby!" He let out a course of pain. "You good?" He kept clumsily checking on her, barely able to move himself.

Now he could finally take a quite good look around, the place was dark and cramped, and was getting more suffocating every minute that passed.  
_We're... moving? _He felt the vibrations of the side he was laying on. _This is a moving vehicle, _he acknowledged.

"How did we get here? Where are we going? Where's my Team?" Clay did not remember much after the explosion. In a flash their situation took the second priority in favor of what he didn't know: his Team's status.  
"Have you seen my teammates? Are they okay?"

Concentrating was hard, and Clay had to appeal to all his training to maintain control.  
He hoped she knew something more than he did and that she could give him some clues to come up with a plan and get them out of there, but the answer didn't come.

He could clearly see her lips moving, but he could not hear a single sound from her.  
He touched his ears, and then looked at his red staining hands.

_I'm bleeding._  
He rested his head on the wall for a minute, eyes closed, trying to steady his breath.

"My ears..." He opened his eyes again, searching Abigail's. "I can't hear anything!"

The woman kindly put her hand on his chest and started sounding her words out, slow and clear, so he could read her lips. "It's okay, they are not going to harm us."

_Not going to... harm? Has she said that?_ Clay stared at her more confused.  
"Who are they?"

"Friends," she tried to explain.

"Friends?" He looked her, eyebrows raised and lips pursed. _No, I must have read her wrong, they were shooting at us_!  
He saw war in many forms during his life and career, and he knew all too well not to trust appearances. There could be half a dozen explanations for why they took them, and for why they were still alive, and none of them were reassuring.  
"I don't understand- Ugh-" he painfully moved, trying to spot something useful, as those 'friends' took everything except his vest from him.

"They promise-" Abigail could not finish her phrase that bullets started to perforate the vehicle's walls, and it started spinning out.

Clay instinctively shielded Abigail with his own body, but the whole thing started flipping, and he lost his grip on her. A sharp pain invaded him as he violently hit his chest on something hard, making him unable to breath for a few seconds.  
The next thing he knew was that they were still, with the vehicle laying on his side, and no sound coming from the outside. No, it was not true, no sound _he could_ _hear_ was coming from the outside.

"Abigail- Ugh..." He utterly moved toward her. "Abby, wake up, we have to go." Even if the space there was very limited, dragging himself to her was not as easy as it should be.  
"Abby!" he finally reached her, only to find her neck was broken.  
His heart stopped beating as he saw her green eyes staring at him as they clouded over. He couldn't protect her.

_Shake it off Clay, there's no time for grieving._ _Come on, you need to get out of here_. He let out a growl, and started moving along.  
He got on his knees and forced the back door open to take a quick look outside, but he had to back off to restore his vision as a beam of light blinded him instantaneously.

From what he could see, no one was there, but he couldn't be sure since his point of view was limited and he could still not hear anything besides that disturbing, loud ringing.  
_No choice, you have to take the chance! _ He forced himself to find the courage to exit. Then he glanced back at Abigail, before abandoning her. _I don't have a choice_, _I'm sorry_...

As he got out, Clay felt his skin burning from the hot air, a sign of the damage the explosion left on him. He limped toward the driver who was dead, as was the man in the passenger seat.  
He took the gun from him and started looking around. Armed men were approaching his position while taking care of anyone who ended up in their way.  
_I have to hide,_ he thought.

Before doing that, however, he carefully searched the cabin hoping to find something useful.

As soon as he spotted his radio, he promptly took it back, and finally left the vehicle. Clay dragged himself along, disoriented and lightheaded, succeeding in hiding behind some dunes right before the men could see him.

**... ... ...**

Ray and Trent arrived back at St Clair mission finding no other than ruins and corpses strewn about the ground.

_Please Lord, let it not be him,_ Ray kept repeating to himself while checking the bodies.  
They searched breathlessly, terrified of what they could find, with the deafening silence of the desert making the whole situation even more heavy to stand.

"He's not here!" Trent finally said. "Neither is the lady missioner."

_Thank God!_ Ray looked up to the sky.  
He sighed. "If they took him, it means he is still alive. We still have a chance to get him back in one piece."

"Except we don't know who the hell took him!" Trent moved a few steps away from the last corpse he checked. "It could be the rebels, or the resistance, it could even be the national army, and we won't know about that because they don't communicate well!"

_It cannot end like his! _He_ can not end like this_.  
"We'll find him. We will!" Ray said, taking his radio to update the others.

_"There must be some evidence there somewhere, look better."_ Jason's orders came through.

"There's nothing useful... I'm-" Ray answered.  
"Damn it!" he let his frustration out, lowering his radio as he didn't know how to continue.

"The dust covered their way out." Trent explained. "There are no traces here."

_"Come on! Try harder! When we get there, you have to give us something!"_

"Wait! I may have spoken too soon!" Trent drew Ray's attention before he could answer to his boss.

_"Bravo Two, how copy?"_

"This is Clay's!" Ray confirmed, pointing at the '6B 9' tag his teammate just found.

_"Ray! Do you copy?"_ Jason voice came insistent.

"We have tire tracks to follow, Jace. We know the way now!" Ray finally answered.

_"Stand by Bravo Two, we're about to move."_

"Negative, we're going after him, every minute counts." Ray looked to Trent, searching for his approval.

_"Ray, you have to wait for us! That's an order!"_

"You can file a complaint when we find the kid, before that I'm not gonna stop. Two out." Ray pulled the string, knowing that Jason would surely understand his behavior.

"I'm with you." Trent nodded to him. "Let's go find our brother."

**... ... ...**

Not so far from the street, Clay sat down on the sand behind a wall of more sand, with the dusty, dry air burning his lungs.  
He tried to catch his breath, as nausea struck him violently and the ringing in his ears refused to give him a break.

He looked back to the vehicle's remains, then down to the gun in his hands, praying not to be seen by the heavy armed soldiers now searching the area.  
He knew he should move to a safer place, but he knew as well that if he didn't move fast enough, the enemies would see him and kill him, and in that moment he could not be fast. Not at all.

He carefully sneaked his head over the dune to see what was going on there.  
It was a risky move, he knew. He could be seen, but he couldn't do otherwise, as his hearing was gone, and he only had his sight.

Panic hit him noticing a man was heading toward him. He dragged himself along further in the dunes, then, he laid there with his gun pointed and holding his breath.  
After an endless wait, no one came.

As soon as he had the courage to sneak his head out of the sand again he found out the militants were now burning down everything and everyone on the street.

_Abigail!_ He stared at the scene horrified, knowing the image of her body in the flames would stick with him forever.  
He thought to move, but he quickly changed his mind. He was powerless and going out there now would do nothing but get himself killed.

He closed his eyes, but the image of the staring look of her lifeless face popped before his eyes. _I should have protected you... I should not have let you go that far._ He clenched his fists. _I'm so sorry Abby, I should have saved you..._

He sniffed, trying to get his cool back unsuccessfully.  
_Her death is on me. Why do I ruin everything I touch?_ He started thinking about the past couple of years, he thought of Brian, Adam, his wreck of a love life, and finally of his relationship with his father. He still felt the pain for everything on that list, blaming himself for his mistakes, his mind filling with all kind of 'if I only' thoughts.

This time, though, _he_ was going to be added to his friends' lists.  
He could only hope they would find him in time.  
_If I die and they blame someone other than me, that will be on me too._

He painfully took a deep breath, and snuck another look.  
The militants were leaving, and that was good. They would not shoot him dead.  
But they _were leaving_, leaving him there. Alone. In the desert. And that was not so good, as he had no water, no food, and no reparation, his ammo was limited and by that point he didn't even know which direction he came from.

_What if _They_ are not looking for me? _This thought struck him like lightening. _If they don't come, if they leave me here, I'm done for. _His heart started beating fast and more sweat drops were descending on his skin.  
_No, no... they _are_ coming._ _Even if they don't care about me anymore, they will care about the mission. _He tried to steady his breathing._  
No one is left behind, and that includes me. They will respect that rule. They value this rules, or they would not get that pissed for my father's book. _He sniffed_.  
Damn it, I just wish I could say something, I wish they could believe in me... _

He patiently waited till the hostiles cleared the area, then he got up, coming out of his hiding position, but his head started spinning hard, and he lost his balance, falling on his knees with his hands in the sand.  
He tried to get back up, but the nausea stroke him again, and he had to concentrate hard only to swallow everything back.

_This is not going to work..._ He laid his sore body against the sand, heavily panting.  
He closed his eyes for a few seconds, finding himself in the complete dark with the complete and absolute silence, except for that usual humming.  
Suddenly he popped them back opened. He could not do that ever again. He could not afford to be that defenseless, and let the fatigue have the best of him.

"Come on, Clay! You can do this!" He muttered to himself.  
_Yes, but do what?_ He realized. _Where should I go?_ He started looking around, but the sudden movement made him feel an acute pain in his ears, and this time the nausea had the best of him, leaving him barely the time to turn on his side to not choke with his puke.

_Breath Clay, just breath..._ He tried to calm down, cleaning his mouth. _You still have the radio, use it! You may not be able to hear them, but if you are lucky enough, they would hear you._

**... ... ...**

The commotion at the base camp was palpable, with personnel going back and forth from one barrack to another, civilians wondering around confused, and vehicles running in and out from their boundaries, raising dust and making the air even more unbreathable.

Davis finished taking care of the people Jason and his Team rescued, directing all the locals to the nearest refuges, and was now ready to settle the three Americans in a temporary accommodation, but they wouldn't once again obey at their orders.

"You have to find Abby," the female missionary said. "You promised to keep her safe-"

"We were trying to keep all of you safe," Sonny could not hold back anymore. "If it wasn't for her stubbornness, if all of you could just follow our orders, we would not be at this point now!"

She started crying while her blonde friend hugged her. "You have to find her!"

"Enough, Sonny!" Blackburn made him back off.  
"We are doing all we can, miss," he said before one of the Bravos could even think of open their mouth again. "One of our own is with her, and I can assure you he would do everything in his power to keep her safe until we get to them."

"Come this way now, let them do their job," Davis stepped in, directing the three toward their accommodation.

"What the hell are we waiting for?" Sonny said, following the others in the command center. "We have to hurry!"

"Cool down Sonny! You need fuel," Commander Blackburn said. "And we need a plan."

"No, we only need to go there and take Clay back from anyone that's trying to hurt him." He started pacing in fear. "If anyone has to wipe the stupid smirk off that stupid kid's face that would be me, not some damn Bedouin!"

"_If_ he's still alive..." With these words Mandy drew all the team members' attention on her. "What?" She shrugged. "That's what all of you are thinking, I just had the courage to say it out loud!"

"I never had to split the team!" Jason grunted. "I never had to let him go after that lady, I should just drag her kicking and screaming into the damn van!"

"Damn true!" Sonny stepped up again. "You should not have left him behind! And Ray and Trent should not have left him alone there!"

"Enough!" Blackburn stopped them.  
"Listen up guys, this ranting against each other will not led us anywhere. The only thing we have to focus on is getting the kid back to us." He bit his lips, he could not bear another fallen eagle, but for sure he could not bear to lose the whole team trying to save one single soldier.

"Davis, what do you have for us?" The commander continued as soon as she was back with them.

"Nothing," Davis said. "This satellite images are just useless, this is all a big mess, I can clearly distinguish no one!"

_"All stations, this is Bravo Six-"_ Clay's voice suddenly sounded from their radio, interrupting their talking.  
As soon as they realized he was alive and on the other end of the device they all sighed in relief.  
_"I don't know if anyone can reach me-" _Clay continued_._

"Bravo Six, this is Bravo One, we reach you loud and clear." Jason Immediately answered with a big smile on his face, watching the rest of the soldiers' feces lightening up.

_"I don't even know if this thing still works..."_

All of them looked at each other puzzled, their smiles fading quickly and their hearts skipping a beat.

"Is his radio working one way only?" Brock raised his eyebrows.

_"My... my ears are-are out of order right now..."_

"What?" Sonny looked at his boss, his eyes full of horror.

_"I won't be able to hear your response, but I-I'll try to communicate as well..."_

_"He must have been too close to the explosion,"_ Trent voice sounded from the radio a second later.

_"Here's my situation,"_ Clay's voice continued to sound after a bunch of seconds, a little disturbed now. _"Abigail's dead, I... I couldn't save her.  
"I'm alone here now..."_

"But where is _here_?" Sonny's eyes met Jason's as they both heard the fear in the kid's voice.

_"I only have this junk radio a-and a gun, but not much munitions... and... I'm-I'm totally lost here."_ That word, 'lost', played over and over again in the soldier's minds as they imagined him all alone God knows where.  
_"I have no idea which direction we came from... It's..." _He was breathing loudly. _"I'm hiding behind some dunes, th-there is literally nothing here, I can't give you any more details on my position, I'm sorry."_

They could tell how Clay's fear was starting to get the best of him, and that scared them to death. They all saw worse than that, so why was his voice so insecure? What was he not telling them?

_"I'm gonna turn my radio off now, saving batteries..."_

Silence filled the whole command center, the soldiers all looking anywhere but in each others' eyes, fearing what they could read in the others' glares.

_"Bravo Six out." _These three words now were like a stub in their hearts as they knew 'out' could mean 'out for good'.

"Bravo Two, this Bravo One, you heard the kid. We'll continue with the search."

_"One this is Bravo Two and Four, we will go on our way, we have no time to lose, we need to find him before the night comes."_

**_... ... ..._**

* * *

_**Author's Note:** Well, I guess at least now you can see why I choose that particular title..._  
_Thank you all for your kind and encouraging words._


	3. Chapter 3

Trent and Ray were encircled by the mission's ruins and continued checking the surroundings in desperate hope they could find some other useful hints there. But they found nothing, the only lead they had was Clay's tag that was abandoned in the sand, among the tire tracks.  
Their dirty uniforms were clinging to their skin, making their job even more uncomfortable then it already was, but they had no intention to stop. They needed to find their teammate and they needed to find him soon.

"Come on, Trent. We must follow the traces before a sand storm or something else blow them off," Ray said, jumping in the van.

Trent nodded to him, starting the engine. "Let's go find our Tom Thumb."

"I just hope this is the right way, man." Ray gritted his teeth, staring at the messy traces.

"It has to be!" Trent let out a frustration grunt, strongly hitting the wheel with both his hands.

Ray felt chills run down his spine. He had never ever seen his teammate lose his self control like that, not once since he knew him.

"We'll find him," Ray said, trying to be convincing.  
_We will,_ he repeated to himself, needing to hold on that hope.

Silence echoed throughout the vehicle as the soldier put all their strength on the search. Their muscles were tensed, their ears straining and their looks attentively scanning the surroundings.  
Trent's eyes were fixed on the street and on what was above. It was essential that he could properly follow the tire tracks, driving fast enough to not lose too much time, but slow enough so Ray could scan the desert areas they had on their sides. Needless to say, it was not an easy task for him either, as he only had two eyes and there was nothing other than dunes before them up to the horizon and over.

Suddenly, Ray's attention raised as he spotted some footprints in the sand. He looked more closely, rapidly following them with his eyes, only to find out they were camel traces. It was not military; just some poor guy trying to survive in the desert.

"Damn it!" This time was Ray who let his frustration out, seeing the traces he saw only two seconds prior were already disappearing in the wind. And he started to lose hope.  
_We're not going to find him this way._

Then the van stopped, awakening Ray from his thoughts. "What are you doing?"

Trent stood silent and almost dead-look, making Ray a sign with his head to watch at the crossroad in from of them. There were tire tracks in every direction, and there was no chance to understand which the right ones were.

"Damn it!" Ray grunted again before taking his radio in his hand.  
"HAVOC, this is Bravo Two, we lost the direction. What do you have for us?"

_"Stand by, Bravo Two, I'm searching."_ Davis' voice immediately came through.

**... ... ...**

Clay felt trapped, surrounded by sand dunes, and nothing more on the horizon and over, with the only exception of the burning remains the recent attack on his little convoy left on the street.  
He was suffocated by the dry air and burned by the high sun, tormented by the memory of the poor Abigail lost in the fire because he could not protect her as he should.

Every time he spotted a vehicle approaching, he stopped breathing and sharpened his eyes in the attempt to discern the driver. And every single time he would hesitate, conflicted because if he showed his position to the wrong people, he would be dead, but if didn't show it to his team or to some possible good Samaritan that could pass along, he would be dead too.  
Worst thing, he was not in the conditions to distinguish the two situations clearly.

_I can't stay here, I'm too exposed, _Clay thought, noticing how often some armed guys would pop out of nowhere to check on the remains on the street.  
"Come on, you can do this. Come on," he kept muttering, trying to get on his feet.

He growled, forcing his legs to assist him and he tried to move while limping at every single step.  
He looked more carefully around and spotted a small rocky heap what could have been a hundred meters from his current position. He knew rocks would give him much more protection than the simple sand and decided to head there.

He started walking, but his head was spinning so much that he couldn't go more than a few steps before falling on his knees with the nausea once again getting hard to control.  
Suddenly, his muscles failed him and his body fell heavily on the ground, his face in the sand while not recognizing where he was anymore.

He hardly swallowed, trying to breath normally despite the grains of sand in his nose and mouth. Then he found the strength to roll on his back, coughing the dirt away from his face with pain hitting him strongly with every little finch.  
He knew that if moved in these conditions he would easily find himself going in the wrong direction, and just for a change, he would risk making himself killed. So, he stood there for a while staring at the sky. He could not close his eyes, he knew that way he would be completely out of the reality.

_"I already told you a dozen times, Clay,"_ a familiar voice seemed to reach his ears. _"You can't play these far in the desert, it's too dangerous." _

He looked around, confused, trying to find the source of that female voice he was hearing. He was still not able to get up and he could see no one there, and more importantly, he was not sure he really heard that.

_"Come on honey, you can't stay there all day, dinner's ready."_ That voice again, stronger, warmer, and more familiar.

"Grandma?" Clay blinked then turned his head, finally finding her there with the kindest smile on her face.  
He sighed. "What are you doing here? It's not safe... It's not..."

_"Come on Clay, get up. You need to get up. Now."_

He blinked again as her figure got blurry. "No, no. Don't go, please..." A small tear descended on his cheek. "Please, don't leave me alone."

He sniffed. _It was not real, it was not real!_ He tried to focus on the present and collect his remaining strengths_.  
Come on Clay, do as she said. _He breathed deeply a few times then he cautiously got up again.  
"Alright." He slowly started to move again. "You can do this."

He dragged himself along till he finally reached the selected spot and settled by the rocks.  
He was heavily panting, and frustration was having the best of him. What normally would take him just a couple of minutes now took him an infinite amount of time, and moreover, he was completely out of strength just for doing it.

He laid on the rocks and when the adrenaline flow started to mend, he could listen to his body again.  
What it had to say was not good news.

He took a hand to his left side, acknowledging the severe pain he felt. There was not a single muscle in his body that didn't ache, and the small but numerous burns on his arms were starting to get infected. His head was pounding and the damn ringing in his ears had not given him a break since it first started.  
He looked up, continuing to breathe heavily while unable to control himself.

After a few minutes, his head was still spinning hard, and catching his breath became harder and harder. He immediately understood what was going to happen: he was about to faint.  
He concentrated, he knew he could not let that happen. He knew he could not lose consciousness, or it would be the end for him.

What he had to do was calm down and update the rest of Bravo Team on his position. They were his only hope, and even if now he was even more lost than the last time he communicated with them, he had to try.

**... ... ...**

The jeep was proceeding high speed with Brock doing his best to drive them fast to Ray and Trent's position to join the search.  
The silence of the desert pervaded them while the wait made their hearts beat fast.

Jason kept his eyes on the horizon, eagerly waiting for his teammates to appear on the road, but every now and then he had to glance back at Sonny who was oddly silently staring at the immense expanses of sand at his sides.

Usually when they were in a situation like that there was always someone who cracked a quick joke to relieve the tense atmosphere and prevent them from falling into the abyss, and almost always this person was Sonny. He would make some stupid comment or explain why this or that thing was on his phobias list, but this time, however, he was dead silent and none of them had the strength to be that person instead.

_"For whoever can, um, can reach me now, this is Bravo Six... again."_ Clay's voice made them all stop to listen closely.  
_"I, um, I had to move, um, move from... um..."_

"Why does he sound so confused?" Sonny frowned.

_"I-I moved away from, um, from the street,"_ Clay finally finished his sentence. _"It was too... dangerous."_

"Come on, kid, give us some hints." Jason begged him. "Come on!"

_"There are some, um, some rocks h-here." _

"Rocks and sand? That's not much helpful! Come on, Blondie." They all knew that Sonny was not good in keeping his frustration to himself.

_"I can, I can still see t-the burned vehicles from here, so..."_

"What burned vehicles? It's the first time he mentions that!" Brock remarked.

_"You should be able to, um, to see my hiding spot, if you..."_

That broken voice made Jason, Brock, and Sonny all look at each other, with the growing concern about the kid's health state.

_"_If_ you reach my position..."_ Clay's voice was full of distress. _"I-I hope,"_ he paused again. _"I-"_

Another long pause left all Bravo members on hiatus with their hearts not beating, not knowing what to expect.

_"Th-that's all for, for now. Six out."_

"Good Lord!" Brock said, concentrating back on driving. "Has he really said, '_if_ you reach me'? Is he really doubting we are searching for him?"

"We were not the best brothers to him lately," Jason painfully acknowledged. "We doubted him, and he sensed that. Now he is doubting us, and I can't blame him."

"Damn it, why couldn't he just be straight with us about that stupid book?" Sonny looked once again out into the desert.

"What if there was nothing to be straight about?" Brock insinuated.

They jumped to the conclusion with him. They could see that now, and the thought of their younger teammate all alone and losing hope, a inch from surrender to the fatigue, made their blood froze in their veins.  
_No, he is a Seal. He will never give up. _

"Bravo Two, this is One, have you heard the kid?"

_"Burned vehicles on the street," _Ray promptly answered,_ "got it, we'll keep our eyes open."_

_"All Bravo stations, this is HAVOC base,"_ Davis' voice came from all their radios. "_I found something in the satellite images. I'll send you the exact location of what I see."_

"Good job Davis," Jason said. "We'll head there too."

_"On our way now,"_ Ray said as he received the coordinates. _"We're not so distant."_

_"All Bravo be advised,"_ Blackburn voice sounded. _"We see conflict growing in that zone, be fast, and be careful."_

"Hang on Kid, we are coming," Jason said in his radio even though he knew too well Clay could not hear him.

**... ... ...**

Clay turned his radio off and put it down, taking the gun again in his hands.  
_Oh, come on, what's happening to me? _He looked down at how intensely his hands were shaking.

_My team is coming, they are! _He rested his head on the hard rocks, trying once again to steady his breath. _They are, for sure._ He needed to convince himself, or he was not going to last long out here.

He inhaled the long as he could, looking up to the sky once again.  
_The night is falling,_ he exhaled, pushing off all his pain out of his body.

_Oh, the desert nights_. In a flash he found himself with his teeth chattering with the temperature dropping fast.  
_I had a few of those._ His mind went back to his days in Liberia, his grandfather teaching him about the stars, his grandmother making sure he would stay warm while contemplating the wonder of that marvelous word.  
At that point he started slowly slipping away, cuddled from the sweet memories.

_Stop! You can't do this!_ He forced himself to keep his eyes open as the fatigue was really starting to get the best of him. _You need to stay in the present. Stay here, stay awake!_

He looked around, his right hand rested on his left side, the gun not so firmly in his left one with the ringing in his ears still accompanying him, being the only firm point in that crazy situation.

"Come on guys, where are you?" He whispered, knowing that despite all his best efforts, he was not going to last long.

**... ... ...**

Only sands for miles and miles surrounded Trent and Ray as they drove fast toward the coordinates HAVOC gave them. Their eyes hurt, staring at the horizon and praying to soon find their lost friend.

"Hey, hey! Watch out," Ray stopped Trent, seeing some commotion along the street.

Trent pulled over and stopped the van, trying to understand what was going on.

Ray looked around. _Dunes: check; rocks: check; corpse and vehicles remains: check. This is it!_  
"This must be the right place," he said, trying to spot Clay in the desert.

They could not calm in relief for a single moment as some militants opened fire against them making them jump out of the van, and force them to immediately fire back.

"One, this is Two, we engaged a gunfight. We need immediate backup."

_"Hang on, Two,"_ Jason's voice instantly came out. _"We're 4 mikes away from your position."_

Bullets were flying in every direction and Ray and Trent had only a split second to decide which way to go. The wrong way and they would not find Clay in that immense area.  
They choose to go right and found cover behind some dunes while keep firing.  
Fortunately, their enemies were not well trained, and they managed to neutralize all the immediate threats in a few shots.

"They will come again. We need to find the kid soon," Trent said, taking stock of the munitions left.

"Alright, let's find him!" Ray carefully got up from his cover and started meticulously search around, sharpening his eyes as his task where now seriously made harder by the sun setting.

"There he is!" Trent pointed out a small figure hiding behind some rocks. He gave his back to them and was not completely visible, but his blonde, wild hair and the US navy vest on his torso made clear to them it was him.

"Oh, thank God!" Ray said as a smile full of relief appeared on his face.  
"Wait, what is he staring at?" He made his teammate look at the horizon where rebels and soldiers were battling themselves.

"We have to hurry, let's go," Trent said, descending toward Clay, who was totally unaware his team was there to rescue him.

"Clay!" Ray tried to draw the kid's attention. "Clay! We're here!"  
_Right, he can't hear us._ He approached him.

When they reached him, Ray put a hand on Clay's shoulder, to make him acknowledge their presence, but the kid abruptly turned back, scared by that unexpected contact, and started fighting his teammates, not realizing immediately who they were.

"Hey, hey, stop it! It's us!" Ray quickly disarmed him, blocking his hands while trying to not hurt him more than he already was. Then Trent stepped in and put his hand firmly on Clay's chest, making him look at him straight.

"It's okay, it's us," he sounded his words out loud and clear for him.

Ray could feel Clay's body gradually relaxing under his grip and his down-look lighting up again.

"It was about time guys," Clay panted, trying to dissimulate how much scare they gave to him.  
"I-it's good to see you... really good." He laid back on the rocks, completely out of strength for the little fight he had.  
"I'm... sorry..."

"It's good to see you too, Kid." Trent glanced at Ray, then turned back to Clay, smiling big to him. "You can't even imagine how.  
"How do you feel?"

Clay stared at him, looking lost and sharpening his eyes to look more closely at his teammates.

"Are you all in one piece?" He tried again, spelling his words more clearly.

"I-" Clay's eyes kept fixating him, moving fast from Trent's eyeballs to his lips and back, with his pupils dilated. "I have this, um, this loud ringing here in my ears." He pointed his finger up to his head. "Umm, b-but if you, if you talk loud enough, I think, I may be able to hear something..."

Trent tried to look inside Clay's ears.  
"I don't know." He turned to the extremely worried Ray. "I'm afraid it's his eardrums, but I can't really say anything for sure."

"Are you hurt anywhere else?" Trent raised his voice as much as he could, trying however to not let the approaching figures to spot their position.

Clay once again stared at him, his lips pursed, breathing heavily while searching the strength to speak, or maybe simply not knowing where to start to describe how bad he was really feeling.

In the meantime, Ray moved a few steps away and took the radio in his hands. "All stations, this is Two, we found Bravo Six. I repeat, we found the kid."

_"Good job Ray!"_ Jason's voice sounded from the radio. _"How is he?"_

"Still alive, Trent is checking on him now."

"Let me take a look," Trent worded out, trying to examine Clay's bruised body.  
"Let me!" He insisted, looking at him straight as the young soldier opposed to his attempt of unlashing his vest and lifting his shirt.

Clay slightly whined as his friend pressed his hands on his torso, failing in his attempt to suck it up.

_"Hold on guys, we are almost there!"_ Jason's voice came over again.

"Hurry up, Jace, we're gonna have some company soon," Ray said, looking again at the horizon.

As Ray put out his radio, Trent quickly finished his examination of Clay's injuries and got up to speak with him, turning his back to his patient.

"What's wrong?" Ray asked him, reading in his teammate's eyes his high concern.

"Few burnings and possible cracked ribs, but what really makes me worry is his spleen. It seems a melon right now, if it's not already broken it will be soon."

"Internal bleeding?" Ray asked glancing at Clay.

Trent nodded, helpless.

"I may be almost deaf, guys, but I'm not completely stupid. I know that something is not right, you can stop hiding it from me."

"Hey, don't worry. We got you." Ray approached him and rested his hand on Clay's chest in a solid attempt to reassure him.

"We have to take him to an OR, soon." Trent took Ray's arm to draw his attention.

"Okay, let's go then."

"We can't."

"_What_?"

"We can't simply move him, we don't have a stretcher or anything else to transport him." Trent bit his lips. "Look, the wrong movement and his spleen goes into pieces. Internal bleeding of that caliber will mean he will die on us within a few minutes. We can't have that."

Ray gritted his teeth, looking down to the young soldier, then he made Trent slightly turn the other way, so that Clay could not see their faces. "We can't stay here. We're too exposed, if the rebels find us here, we're done."

They both looked down at their injured teammate, he was shaking hard, sweat drops descending from his forehead and his eyes never stopping to search for theirs. They could see how hard he was trying to act tough, but they knew that deep down he was at his limits.

**... ... ...**

* * *

_**Author's Note:** thank you so much to those who took the time to review.  
__The scenes were Clay is alone in the desert were my favorite to write, I just hope I could portray the images I had in my mind in an effective way._


	4. Chapter 4

At twilight the enormous display of sand seemed like an obscure sea in which the soldiers' minds could easily get lost. Ray's eyes moved fast, checking every direction to not be caught off guard, but on the horizon the sun had definitively been swallowed by the sand and the visibility now was minimal.  
Trent kept taking care of Clay and from time to time he would glance back toward the direction they came from, hoping to see his teammates pop out from behind some dunes.

In the silence of the night the two SEALs could hear Clay's teeth chattering as the cold air made him shake like a little leaf in the wind. And despite the darkness, they could clearly see his face growing pale and getting worse every second that passed.

"Backup will not get to us in time." Ray said, looking first down at Clay then again at the horizon. "We have to take the risk." He turned to look Trent in the eyes. "We have to move now."

Trent nodded to him then turned to Clay. "Can you get up?" he asked, explaining his words with his hands as he could not raise his voice anymore.

"Yeah." Clay accepted Trent's arm to help him get on his feet. He tried to move the first step along, but he limped and if it wasn't for his teammate's solid grip he would have fallen heavily on the ground.

Ray gasped and made a quick move toward them, but Trent made him a sign to stop.

"I got him." He assured, strongly sustaining Clay. "The lesions to his eardrums must compromise his equilibrium," he explained, still unsure if he could let the kid stand on his own.  
He sighed. "He won't go far like this."

"Give me a minute, I can-" Clay started to say, interpreting his friends' looks, but he suddenly lost his grip on Trent's shoulder and collapsed on his knees. At that point he could only lay back down on the ground, not knowing how to respond to their concerned looks.

"Don't overstrain yourself, brother." Ray said in a firm and calm voice while vigilantly watching Trent make sure Clay didn't just caused himself further problems.

"Alright, I got him." Trent resolutely charged Clay on his shoulders. "Let's go!"

"Wait..." Clay whispered to Trent's ear not so long after they started to move toward their backup's position.

"Hang on, Kid. We can't stop now," Trent said, even if he knew Clay could not clearly hear him.

As they didn't put him down, Clay suddenly threw up all over Trent.  
Despite the inconvenience, the older soldier didn't react at all, continuing his way while the younger laboriously swallowed in a solid attempt to not repeat the performance.

**... ... ...**

Jason's jeep stopped at the center of the street as numerous gunshots reached Bravo's ears. Sharpening their eyes, they noticed various men fighting in the darkness all along the road and down on the sand. So, they put the night visors on and rapidly started scanning the area to find their teammates.

"Jeez, it's really getting hot there!" Brock said, pointing at the flashlights lighting the night in the distance.

"Come on, let's go." Jason said, making sure his rifle was monition full.

"That's their vehicle, right there!" Sonny drew their attention on it. "Do you have eyes on them?"

"Negative," Jason pulled down the car window to take a better look.

"Me neither," Brock said pulling over next to the vehicle their friends left unattended and drilled of hits.

The three soldiers could clearly hear the gunfight approaching their position. They saw multiple militants fighting one against each other, but in those conditions telling who is who, was not easy at all.

"They said they were east from here, right?" Jason said, still looking attentively.

"There!" Sonny suddenly pointed among the dunes. "Right there!" He tried to look better as he spotted two figures running in the desert. Then he saw one of the soldiers was transporting someone on his shoulders. _It's Clay, it is for sure_, he thought, _and the other two are Trent and Ray, they have to be._ None of them could tell why, but they were all sure it was them.

"We have to move Jace," Sonny continued, spotting a small but well armed group of militants getting right to their teammates' position.

"No chance this thing can get down there, Boss," Brock said, turning off the engine.

"Alright, get out," Jason ordered. "Get out!" The three soldiers jumped off the jeep with their rifles in their hands and started running down into the desert.

"Brock, we need some cover," Jason said, now approaching more carefully. "Can you get up there and provide for it?" he continued, pointing to a small hill 40 meters from their current position.

"On it, Boss." Brock immediately put the orders into practice while the other two went on their way down.

As they got closer, Jason and Sonny could finally discern the three figures clearly. It was Trent that had the injured Clay on his shoulders while Ray desperately tried to cover for them. Not so distant, the enemies were approaching quickly and engaged with them. They saw them running as fast as they could with bullets flying over their heads, and no chance to find a proper cover.

The two SEALs hurried toward their teammates, approaching the enemies on their right side, and the fight got immediately crazy. At that point the Bravo members could only hope to not get caught in the crossfire and get hit by a friendly bullet.

Sonny got the first target down and Jason took his chance a second later. Then finally, Brock's backup from the high make them feel his presence, and the enemy soldiers dropped down one after another.  
As soon as only the Bravo Team members were still on their feet, they could run to cover behind a dune and take a good look at their injured teammate.

"You okay guys?" Jason quickly checked on all his men.

"Never been so happy to see your ugly faces," Ray said, helping Trent put Clay on the ground.

"How is he?" Jason asked, making himself some room to see it with his own eyes.

"Not good," Trent severely said. "He needs immediate medical assistance. And by that I truly mean _immediate_."

All Bravo Team glanced down to Clay. He was just staring at them visibly confused while trying hard to catch his breath.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." Clay kept muttering almost delusional.

"Hey, hey, hey." Jason rested his hand on Clay's chest. "It's okay, we're here now."

Clay laboriously swallowed, clearly trying to say something more, but this time his voice didn't come out.

"Save your strength Wonder Boy, we're not going to take back a corpse!" Sonny said. From his look he understood that, even if he did not get a single word of what he just said, Clay knew exactly what he meant.

"The medevac is 6 mikes away." Jason checked his watch. "Come on, they can't get to us here, we must reach the extraction point."

_"One, this is Five,"_ Brock's voice sounded from their radios. _"Be advised, you have multiple hostiles approaching your position. You have to move."_

"Copy that, Five, we are Oscar Mike. Meet us as at the jeep. One out."

Sonny helped Trent pulling up the helpless and disoriented Clay again on his shoulders. Then they started moving as fast as they could with their teammates covering their six.

As soon as they reached the jeep Sonny promptly opened the door for them and watched powerlessly as the others loaded Clay in.

"Careful," Jason said, sustaining the kid's head while Trent laid him on the back seat.  
"Where's Brock?" He frantically looked around while Ray and Sonny jumped on the back of the vehicle, good to go and ready to cover for their run.

"Right here, Boss!" Brock came running and immediately jumped in the driver seat, starting the engine. As he got in, he instantaneously glanced at the rearview mirror to check on Clay's conditions. The sight of him laying there shaking and tossing under Trent's touch made him wince, but he knew he had to shake it off and bring him to safety.

He had to be strong. Clay was counting on him.

"Alright, let's go, let's go!" Jason ordered, settling in the front seat while Trent got in the back and tried to make Clay more comfortable, allowing his head resting on his thighs.

"Watch out, they, they're here!" Clay's ravings made them all look at him. "They're here... I need to-to..." he tried to reach for his gun which wasn't there. "We need-" he continued his delusional talk and tried to get up.

"Who? Who is here?" Jason turned to the back seat rising his voice.  
"There's no one here. It's just us," he tried to reassure him. "Calm down Kid, we got you."

"No, no-" Clay's legs were restless and his hands were constantly searching the air, trying to grab something. "Where is my gun? M-my gun..."

"Slow down buddy, slow down." Trent firmly took Clay's hand in his then with the other hand he gently started to caress his sweaty forehead, moving his messy hair off it. "Look at me now, you are safe. We got you," he sounded as loud as he could, as the damaged eardrums kept making the communication difficult.

"I-I-" without any further warning Clay threw up again, but fortunately, his teammate was there to turn him on his side, preventing him to choke.

"This is definitely not my lucky day," Trent said, finding himself once again covered in his friend's vomit.

Ray and Sonny had to force themselves to not look back at the inside of the jeep to check on Clay's status. They knew they had to keep their focus on covering their six, but the thought he was suffering so badly while they could do anything for him ate them alive.

"That's the place, we're here." Brock pulled over.

"Where the hell is the damn helo?" Jason said, sticking himself out the car window to look up at the sky.

They stopped, eagerly scanning the place to make sure there was no danger.

At some point Trent's attention was caught by Clay's quickening breath and he saw the kid's face turning ghost-white within a matter of seconds.  
"Damn it! He is going into shock!" his alarmed tone made all Bravo members jump to their feet with their muscles tense and their hearts pounding.

"Stay with us Blondie! You can't do this to us," Sonny yelled to him, opening the jeep's door.

They not-so-patiently waited for the help to come with Trent monitoring Clay's heartbeat and trying his best to calm him down. Despite all his teammate's efforts Clay's heart-rate skyrocketed and his conditions kept worsening. He was losing his focus and was barely able to keep his eyes open.

"Hey, can you hear that?" Sonny made them all look up to the sky. "They're coming."  
He locked eyes with Clay, trying to give him strength. "I know you can hear this, Kid. Come on!"  
Then he turned to Trent. "The backup is here, we just have to load him into the helo and everything is gonna be good, right?"

"Yeah." Trent's voice didn't come out convincing at all. "But then it will take, what? 10 mikes to land at the base camp?" Trent asked.

"More like 12, I think," Jason said, glancing down at Clay.

"He doesn't have that long, Boss." As those words came out of Trent's mouth their world stopped. Horror stamped on their faces as they kept staring alternately to Clay then to the landing helicopter and then back to Clay again.

"I think he's in hypovolemic shock," Trent said to the corpsmen as they jumped off the medevac. "He has possibly cracked ribs and I strongly suspect a spleen rupture." He continued while he and Ray helped them bring Clay on board. "He also had his eardrums damaged pretty badly."

"Alright, we got him. Step back," the medical officer said, checking on his patient.

"Ray, come on, he doesn't have time," Trent said, trying to pull Ray away.

"I'm not leaving him alone again." Ray turned to his teammates with his eyes full of tears and his jaw squared. "Not again."

The medics watched Clay slowly drift unconscious then turned to Ray in a rush. "Okay, jump in. We're taking off."

Jason silently nodded, so Ray followed his friend in and Trent made a few steps toward the rest of his teammates. Only when he was in a safe position, the medevac could take off.  
Jason put a hand on Trent's shoulder, his eyes saying, 'good job taking care of the kid', but his lips were locked in a grimace of concern.  
Then they all watched the chopper getting away in religious silence.

"They will fix him, right?" Sonny could not hold back his concern anymore.

"He sustained some pretty serious injuries." Trent sighed, his calm voice unsuccessfully hiding his worry. "I don't know."

After a few endless seconds the helicopter was completely out of their sight and Jason's voice broke the shock-induced silence. "Come on, let's go!"

**... ... ...**

As soon as the helicopter took off, the corpsmen started to work on Clay, checking his vitals, inserting IVs and immediately starting a transfusion.  
Ray watched them breathless, clenching his fists. He was surprised and thankful to see how many things they could do even confined in that small space while flying across the sky. But at the same time the thought his friend needed all those cares terrified him.

"Stay with me Clay. Stay with me," Ray muttered, taking his friend's hand while staring at his increasingly pale skin. "I'm right here, I'm not leaving you."

"We're 3 mikes away from the base camp," the pilot let them know.

"Come on soldier, you can do this," one of the corpsman said. "We're almost there."

But after a few seconds Clay's heartbeat rapidly decreased till stopping. Ray saw worried looks drawing on the medical officer's faces while staring at the flat line that just appeared on the portable monitor. He kept holding his cold hand with both his, trying to transmit him his warmth and his strength. _Don't give up on me, brother_.

He could feel the life abandoning Clay's body and he saw his lips turning blue.

"Damn it, he's coding!" The other corpsman said, seeing he wasn't breathing anymore.

Ray had to loosen his grip on Clay's hand to give the medics more space to work. He watched closely while they frenetically moved to take care of his unconscious teammate, and his own heart stopped.

He carefully observed one of the corpsmen start the CPR while the other prepared the portable defibrillator. At that very moment, despite all the commotion, despite the air protection and all the rest, Ray could swear he heard Clay's ribs break under his pressure.

When the other one lifted Clay's shirt to place the electrodes on his contused chest, Ray gasped. That was the first time he saw the real entity of his internal injuries. He could barely stand the sight of Clay's left side, but he, however, kept his eyes on it. It was a rainbow of tones, going from blue to deep purple, and the bruise seemed to grow bigger when he didn't look at it.

He winced every single time he saw Clay's body slightly jump in the air with all his muscles tense because the little machine tried to shock him back to life. _Don't give up Kid. Don't leave me,_ he thought, knowing the electric current flowing in his body at regular intervals was the only thing keeping him bound to this world.

As he watched them putting a plastic tube down Clay's throat, he had to close his eyes and started praying with every fiber of his body. "Good Lord, I trust your greatness, please don't call this young life to Your presence..."

"Hold on, we're landing." The pilot's voice caught the soldier's attention from the cockpit while they kept working on Clay in the back of the chopper.

When the rotors stopped the noise of the portable defibrillator releasing its shocks was the only thing breaking the silence of the night. And every time it reached Ray's ears, he could feel the chills down his spine like if the thing was connected to himself.

Jumping off the vehicle one of the corpsmen promptly started to brief the doctors. "Tachycardic, hypo tensed-" he said, helping them loading Clay on a stretcher, "multiple first and second-degree burnings, internal bleeding, and I think we broke him some ribs." He continued pushing Clay inside.

When they arrived Blackburn and Davis were already on the landing space, waiting for them. They looked Ray following Clay's stretcher out the medevac and stood there, watching breathless that horrific scene. They tried to catch Ray's eyes, but he would not take his gaze off the kid.  
Then they followed the group inside, trying to understand the real conditions of their friend.

"Step back," a doctor said as Ray would not back off from Clay's side. "Let us work, soldier."

"Come with me." One of the corpsman made Ray step aside with him.

They all looked in dead silence the doctor taking stock of the situation. They saw him regulating the defibrillator's parameters and giving Clay's lifeless body a stronger shock. From the corner of the room Ray could see his friend jumping in the air as the electric current flew in him. Helpless, he kept praying God with every fiber of his body, his hands tightened in a vice, but this time he kept his eyes wide open, fixed on Clay.

"I got a pulse!" This few words allowed Ray to finally breathe again.

"Let's take him to the OR when he's stable," the doctor ordered, pushing his patient's bed while Ray trying once again to follow them.

"You have to wait here." A nurse firmly put her hand before Ray making him stop and not giving him any choice but to obey her.

Ray kept staring at the door in which his friend just disappeared, continuing to pray for his life. He was trying to not think that all that happened to Clay was the consequence of him and Trent leaving him alone in the first place, but he could not shake that though off.

Only the sudden touch of a hand on his shoulder made him come back to reality.  
He turned to find Blackburn there and Davis right behind him, their faces giving away all their worry, almost terror Ray could say.

"We can't do anything for him right now," the commander said. "Let's go take a breather outside."

"I'm not leaving him!" Ray harshly said. "Never. Never again," he kept muttering as it was a mantra.

The other two soldiers looked at each other, sighing. "Alright, let's just go sit down there then." Blackburn tried again, glancing at some chairs right at the entrance.  
"And that's an order!" He continued, seeing that Ray would not move a single step away from the OR door.

"Hey." Davis looked him straight. "Give yourself a break, this is not your fault."

Ray heard, but he didn't feel it. His heart was stressed out from the guilt, so no one could make him feel better till he knows his friend was safe.

"We all have something to overlook," Blackburn said under his breath. "He didn't deserve this."

**... ... ...**

The base camp was unusually quiet considering all was going on outside it. A feeling of expectation steamed into the air like if the whole base was waiting to hear about Bravo members' conditions.

As the jeep got back there, Sonny practically jumped out of the still moving vehicle, rushing into the field hospital. There he found Davis and Blackburn trying to comfort a seriously beaten up Ray and whitened, imagining the worst.

"Is he..." Sonny asked in a broken voice.

"No. No," Davis got up and went toward him, putting a hand on his chest while Jason and Brock entered the building right after him. "He _was,_ but just for a minute and they brought him back."

Hearing those words, Sonny's legs almost gave way under him.

"Where is he now?" Jason asked.

"OR. " Blackburn glanced at the next room. "They are still working on him."

Out of the blue, Sonny grabbed Ray from his shirt and started yelling at him an inch from his face. "You should not have left him there!"

Ray looked at him in the eyes without although reacting in any way, his lips locked and his arms abandoned on his sides. Sonny started pushing him, once, twice then harder and harder.

"It was our only choice." Trent got in the middle of the discussion, defending Ray.

"No one is left behind!" Sonny continued yelling at them. "No one! Ever!"

"Do you think I don't know that?" Ray suddenly started to push him back. "Do you think I am not already beating myself for _that_?"

"Hey! Hey, enough!" Jason ordered, dividing them with Davis and Brock's help. "This is not the place for that, understood?"

"Listen to me very carefully," Blackburn intervened as the tension between Bravo members continued to rise. "This is part of the job."

They all stopped while Davis made sure Sonny was calm enough before letting him go from her hands.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm cool," he whispered to her, stepping back.

"We have our rules of engagement," the commander continued, "and those rules say civilians' safety comes first. That's what we did today." He looked every one of his subjects right in the eyes. "And no one can blame Ray or Trent for doing that. _No one_." He faced Ray, making sure he well understood that 'no one' included him.

"He should not have let him go in there alone," Sonny continued, raising his voice.

"That was my decision. If you have any problem with that, come and say it to me!" Jason got close to him, talking directly in his face.

"_Enough!_" Blackburn's severe tone made them all freeze in their positions. "You are behaving like children, all of you!" His straight look made them hold their breath. "And I'm having enough of that!"

They all forced themselves to calm down, fearing their commander's rage.

Blackburn paused, inhaling loudly. "You took Clay back here and that's the only important thing right now. We are here for him and for him only." He made them glance at the OR door.

They all nodded, barely having the courage to look one another in the eyes.

"And now," Blackburn continued, pointing at Ray's shoulder. "You go get checked, you're bleeding."

"I'm fine," Ray protested. "It's just a scratch."

"This is not the time to argue with your commanding officer, senior chief," Blackburn barked and then turned to Sonny. "And you need to take a walk outside, now."

"I'm not leaving." He shook his head, hardly managing to control himself.

"Don't make me say it again Sonny!"

"Come on, let's go." Davis gently pushed him outside with her. "They'll call us if there is any news."

"And you, Trent," Blackburn turned to him, lowering his voice, exhausted, "you go take a shower, you really stink."

"Yep, not arguing with that, sir," Trent said, looking down at his dirty uniform with his friend's vomit all over it.

Mandy ran in at that moment, almost bumping into the furious Sonny while Davis was taking him out.  
"How is he?" she asked, sitting near Jason who just settled in the corner of the room, staring at the OR door.

"No news is good news." Blackburn said as no one else could speak, broke by the exhausting wait.

**... ... ...**

* * *

_**Author's Note:** Thanks for the kind reviews, every comment is well appreciated.  
__On a technical note: in the army a 'corpsman' is a trained doctor or a sort of EMT soldier that intervene in the field._


	5. Chapter 5

In the deadly silence of the sick bay, the SEAL family could hear their thoughts echoing in their heads.

The entire Bravo Team was waiting there, whole again, but still fighting to control their nerves.  
Davis was also there, needing to check on her boys, as commander Blackburn was. The whole Alfa Team was beside them because every frogman is family, and even Mandy stayed there for a while, but since the fighting had not stopped, she had to go back to work.

The humid air penetrated in the soldier's nostrils, bringing with it a persistent smell of sweat. The sterile atmosphere was contaminated by the dust spreading around from their dirty uniforms, and maybe it was the strange odor, or maybe the suggestion, but they could feel the taste of blood in their mouths.

Occupying the bunks, a single soldier who sleeped quietly like the commotion surrounding him never existed. All around him, beside every empty bed, IV poles and off monitors were methodically placed.

Bravo members shivered at the thought that one of those uncomfortable cribs was ready to embrace Clay once he would be out of surgery.

_If _he would be out of surgery_._

And then, there was _the door,_ closed and impenetrable.

Their foreheads covered in cold sweat at the image of the young soldier laying helplessly on the operating table with the doctors playing with his guts.

No one could emit a sound, or had the strength to watch the other in the eye. The pain was too strong to share.

"Commander," a soldier entered, breaking the nerve-wracking wait. "There's a phone call for you, sir."

"Whoever it is can wait, tell them I'll call back," Blackburn cut short. He had no intention to move until his man's fate was clear.

"It's Captain Harrington, sir. He wants an update on Bravo Six's condition."

Blackburn sighed and got out to take the call. He knew all too well what it meant to be the one monitoring from the distance, and he could not let the Captain hanging like that.

Sonny kept aimlessly moving around. "What the hell are they doing in there?"

"It's not that easy. Clay was in a pretty bad shape when he got here," Trent said, inhaling deeply to maintain his cool.

Ray closed his eyes, and the image of the litter pushed in there with his pale friend on it appeared before him. He felt his throat closing at the thought of the plastic tube forced in Clay's mouth and he could still feel the sound of the little machine releasing electricity in his friend's lifeless body.

_Bad shape is underestimating, _he thought, helplessly shaking his head.

Suddenly, Blackburn got back in, calling for the SEALs' attention. "Alright guys, our job is not done yet."

"_What_? No," Jason protested. "We are not moving from here."

All the Team members jumped to their feet, arms crossed, defending _the door_.

"I know," the Commander nodded. "I'm not going to risk you going out there with your heads stuck here with the kid."

Bravo members all sighed, turning their full attention back to the sealed OR door.

"I would avoid this if I only could, but we just got some intels we can't ignore." Blackburn turned to Alfa Team, "Derek, take your men, you are going for a ride."

Alfa One nodded, making a sign to his teammates to prepare for the action.

Getting out, they all watched Bravo members and silently greeted them. No words were needed, every soldier knew exactly what the other's look meant.

**... ... ...**

More than an hour had already passed since Clay disappeared behind the damn door, and the atmosphere outside it was getting hard to stand.

The pack was still there; dark circles underlined their reddened eyes, their muscles were cramping and their stomach ached.

"What are you doing here?" Davis said, drawing the Team's attention to the three missioners just entered in the building. "Something's wrong?"

"We just wanted to see if you- " the black American spoke first, "if you found Abby."

Jason looked at them hesitant then turned to Davis, talking in a low voice. "I thought you already told them."

"She did," Jake, the blond missioner, intervened. "We know that Abby is-" he breathed deeply.

"Dead." Jake swallowed. "What Aaron meant was if you found her remains. For... the funeral."

"We are very sorry," Ray said, quickly glancing at his boss and silently asking the permission to talk.

"We could do nothing for her, we barely got out our man alive," Jason resumed.

The female missioner started heavily sobbing, so her blond friend hugged her tight. "It's okay Leah, it's okay," he comforted her.

"I assure you we all did our best out there," Blackburn intervened. "I promise you that our man did all he could to protect Abigail; he would have never abandoned her if he had another choice."

To Sonny's hears those words sounded like excuses; like the commander had to justify Clay's actions to those civilians.

Like Clay did something wrong.

"We-" Aaron cleared his throat. "We understand."

"So _now_ you understand? What a consolation!" Sonny stepped up, raising his voice. "If it weren't for you-" he pointed his finger toward the three of them.

"Not another word, Petty Officer Quinn!" Blackburn stopped him before he could say something he would regret, and with a firm gesture of the hand made the SEAL step back.

"That soldier, your friend," Jake said, "is he safe now?"

"He is in surgery this very moment," Blackburn answered him, glancing at the sealed door.

"But he will get off with it?" Leah said almost under her breath.

"We don't know yet," Davis broke the silence. "He's still fighting for his life."

"We'll pray for him," Aaron said, taking his friends' hands.

Sonny rolled his eyes, huffing. He was ready to say something that would get his commander's rage explode when the military doctor opened the damn door, making Bravo Team jump to their toes.

"How is he?" Sonny instantaneously asked.

"We managed to repair the spleen rupture without exporting the organ entirely," he explained, taking the surgical cap off his head. "This will make the recover easier, but-"

"No. No buts doc." Sonny made all his teammates look supportive at him.

"But he still is in critical conditions," the doctor finished. "The next 24 hours will be crucial."

"What is the prognosis exactly?" Trent asked, peering directly in the doctor's eyes with an insistent look.

"If extra complications will not emerge, bed rests for the next two weeks, I would say. A complete recover in another four weeks, and in total, active duty in ten."

"_If_ there are not complications?" Sonny frowned, giving voice to everyone's thoughts.

"The kind of lesions Petty Officer Spenser sustained are easily subjected to infections, this is still a delicate matter. We are doing all we can."

"What about his hearing?" Ray asked, an anxious tone escaping from his mouth.

"He has large lesions in both his tympanic membranes. We cleared and cleaned his ear canals, but we can't do better than that right now. I'm confident they will heal by itself."

"But they _will _heal?" Ray continued, concerned. "His hearing problem _will_ resolve."

"As I said, we have to wait and see."

"That's all? Wait and see?" Sonny stepped up again, his hands clenched in fists.

"Your teammate's body went through a lot. The internal injuries caused a massive blood loss, and we can't predict how he will react. We are closely monitoring him."

"Can we see him now?" Jason tried to pass him.

"Please, wait here." The doctor put his hand before Jason's chest, stopping him from going farther. "We will bring him out soon enough."

"Thanks, doctor," Blackburn greeted him while the man disappeared through the door again.

"So that spleen thing," Sonny looked up to Trent, "and the hearing thing too... Will Clay be able to work as well, like he did before?"

"We are not talking about his _career_, Sonny." Trent's dark tone made the Team shiver. "We're talking about his _life_ here."

Sonny let his frustration out with a grunt. "I know, okay? I just don't wanna go there."

"He will pull through. _He will_," Jason said, putting a hand on Sonny's shoulder. "He is strong."

They all knew Clay was strong, but now, they couldn't help but doubt he was strong enough. And the sight of him exiting _the door_ confirmed that.

The soldiers gasped as the medical personnel brought Clay into the room. They watched paralyzed one of the nurses pulling their teammate's bed to the corner.

Wires connected him to some monitors; thin tubes got out from his nostrils; a needle in his arm connected him to the blood bag on the IV pole and two more bags dripped some clear liquid in the tube connected to his other arm.

The heavy dressings covering Clay's forearms made the SEALs feel the warmth of the flames on their own skin, as if they were there when he got burned.  
The unnatural pallor of his skin and the livid color of his lips made their mind go to the worst-case scenario. They could say without lying that they saw corpses looking better than that, and none of them had the courage to approach him.

"He will be asleep for a while," a black-haired nurse interrupted the deep silence while adjusting the last details of her patient's care.  
"You should go get some rest too."

"We're not going anywhere," Sonny said in a straight voice, regardless every fiber of his body yelled to him that she was right.

"Actually, guys-" Mandy reached them, "the situation out the base is crazy. We need you out there." Then she turned to Davis and Blackburn, "All of you."

"No way." Ray protested. "We can't leave him like this."

Blackburn sighed, looking Mandy in the eyes. If she was there at _that_ _moment_ was because things just got serious.

"We have a job to do, let's get it done and come back to him later," he ordered.

"No. No! We are not, we can't," Ray repeated again.

"We have to. Come on," Jason reluctantly said, patting Ray on the back. "Clay will be fine here."

"He is not going to wake up for hours, right?" Trent asked the nurse.

She nodded slowly, as to say, 'if he will wake up at all', and the look she had in her eyes only got things worse. But then she switched to her reassuring tone, "Don't worry, he is in good hands."

"We can stay with him," the lady missioner said. "It's the least we can do."

Sonny huffed, too concerned to even think to something stupid to say.

Blackburn nodded to her, thankful. "Come on, the sooner you go, the sooner you come back," he ordered following Mandy out.

"Hang in there, brother," Ray said, touching his friend's cold hand. "We'll be back soon."

"This is crap. Real crap," Sonny said, as the soldiers forced themselves to get out, leaving Clay all alone with strangers once again.

**... ... ...**

When Bravo members entered the command center, all the personnel stopped what they were doing to look at them. However, the pause only lasted a few seconds, and the commotion raised again in the room.

"Here is the situation," Mandy explained to Blackburn and the guys as soon as they settled in.

Bravo Team listened carefully.

"So, your intervention will be crucial to decide if those people will live or die," she finished her talking.

"No pressure, uh?" Jason said, working out a plan in his mind.

"Alright guys, I need you to keep your heads in the game," Blackburn said. "You think you can do that?"

"Of course we can," Jason answered. "We are Bravo Team."

"All agreed?" Blackburn insisted, fearing he was risking too much sending them out after what just happened to Clay.

They all nodded, except Sonny, but the commander kept staring at him till he answered positively.

"Okay, what are we waiting for? Let's go," Jason said, with a foot already outside the door.

The van reached the unmapped village in the middle of nowhere, leaving the SEALs with a crescent feeling that something was wrong.

Their objective was an old ruined building, turned into an improvised girls' school. Americans and Canadians run the place and two of them were still in with a large group of minors when the rebels attacked it.

Before getting out of the van, Jason looked carefully at every Bravo member. This time, there was no leaving anyone behind, they were all gonna make it out together and all in one piece.

Going through an assignment with a man down was already bad enough.

Approaching the site, the gunshots echoing in the air quickly reached Bravo's ears. As soon as they were in sight of the source, they saw locals trying to defend the position, preventing the rebels to invade the school.

"Time's up, come on," Jason said, making his men a sign to circumvent the building and get in by the back entrance.

Brock carefully opened the door and let Cerberus leading the way, with the rest of Bravo Team following them.  
The dog quickly found the room where the girls were hiding, and the seals promptly made their way in.

"US Navy; US Navy," Ray repeated, letting his rifle hung on his torso and raising his hands, strong from his teammates' cover.

"It's alright, we're here to help," Jason said in a calm tone, seeing the teachers ready to shield the girls with their own body.

The fifty-something aged man stepped up, inspecting their uniforms while the brown-haired young woman tried to keep the girls calm. There were a dozen of them, all between 12 and 16 years old. They were crying and shaking, and the SEALs immediately understood that controlling their nerves and making them obey their orders was not going to be an easy task.

"The situation is getting hot out there, Boss," Sonny said, peeking out the small window.

Jason reached him and saw the rebels rounding up the place, and the locals barely resisting while being forced to retreat inside the walls.

His eyes locked with Ray's, sending a clear message, 'if we don't get out of here now, we'll be blocked all night'.

Ray nodded. They both knew they couldn't afford that. Not with the kid in critical condition at the base camp. Not with _him_ needing them.

"Prepare the girls," Jason said to the teachers, "we're getting you out."

"They are just children," the man tried to object. "You can't throw them out in the fighting. It's too risky."

"What's risky here is _you_ not doing what _I_ say," Jason glared at him, crossed arms and locked lips.

"Come on Ralph, they know what they're doing," the brunette tried to convince his colleague.

"Yeah, come on, Ralph," Sonny echoed her. "Just tell the girls to stick to our asses till we're out of here. There is not coming back for anyone today."

Jason and Sonny were the first to get out of the room, followed by Ray and the young teacher. Behind them the girls with the man and closing the group Trent, Brock and Cerberus.

When they reached the back door, the passage ahead was blocked by several armed guys who immediately started shooting at them, and behind them the walls of the decaying bulling started to collapse.

They were trapped. There was no going back and no going farther.

Jason looked around, his wheels turning, searching for a way out from that damn situation.  
His eyes met Sonny's and in a single hand gesture Bravo One instructed Three in his next move.

Sonny promptly took off his backpack and extracted his tools. Then he threw a grenade to free the way for them to pass.

The hostages winced at the loud sound, and controlling their fear seemed now impossible.  
The walls trembled, the dust raised from the ground and smoke completely covered their visual. But they didn't back off; they had to go back to the base ASAP.

They had to go back to their friend.

Leading the Team, Jason was not sure how they got out, nor was Trent who closed the group, pushing all them to safety. But they managed to get through the block and reach the extraction point. And more importantly, no one, civil or SEAL, child or man, was left behind.

Riding back, the soldier's minds run faster than their bodies. _What if the kid needed us and we were not there for him? Again_._ What if we failed him again?_

**... ... ...**

When Bravo Team returned from the assignment, Blackburn was outside the command center waiting for them.  
The look he had on his face did not bode well for any of them.

"Hey! What the hell was that?" He faced them, barely giving them the time to get out of the van.

"We are good, thanks," Jason tried to ignore him, passing by.

"Stop right there Master Chief. All of you. _Stop_!" the Commander ordered, making them a firm sign to follow him in the building.

"Oh come on, the debriefing can wait. We need to see the kid now."

"There is no change in his conditions and Davis is with him. But _you_," Blackburn severely pointed at them, "you are discussing your actions with me. And you are doing it _right now_." He pointed his finger to the ground.

They all grunted, but they had no choice but obey their commander. So, they silently followed him inside while the support personnel got quickly out to give them some privacy.

Any soldier passing by the command center at that moment could clearly hear Blackburn yelling at Bravo Team. For an external eye it would seem like a father reproaching his teenage sons. And like every kid would do, they tried to stick up for themselves, having, at the end, to surrender to the authority of their commanding officer.

After 'the talk', Bravo Team got out of the building and headed to the sick bay, not looking back.

"I don't care what he says, we moved just fine," Sonny said. "We took all them out alive and in one piece. They should not complain!"

At every step the SEALs made, frustration grew in them as the humiliation of the commander's reproach fade.  
Their expression grew more concerned, and uncertainty filled their hearts as their destination appeared before their eyes.

They could face terrorist, drug dealers, and any kind of threats, but opening that door and face the sight of their injured teammate made them feel weak in their knees.

When Bravo entered, the first thing they saw was Clay laying in his bed, so pale and so still; that put the light again on the important things.

They quieted down, and the sound of their heavy footsteps echoed in the room while they approached the kid and Davis, who was sat right beside him. Advancing, the smell of dust they still had in their nostrils mixed up with the smell of sanitizer that steamed every inch of the sick bay, forcing them to breathe with their mouths.

"Did he wake up?" Jason asked.

Davis shook her head, not raising her eyes from Clay. "Not yet."

They all sighed, staring at the poor kid. Then cautiously tried to settle in, but their legs were restless and their hands itched. The bags under their eyes were even more pronounced now, but their minds wouldn't shut down even if they tried.

"You risked too much out there," Davis said, her look always down. "That can't happen again." Her voice got all crackly. "_This_ can't happen again."

"We know," Ray said, putting his hand on her shoulder.

"We can not bury another family member." Davis' voice was now broken, and they could clearly feel how hard she was fighting to hold it together.

Fighting hard as they all were.

**... ... ...**

Awakening on the thin mattress, Clay sniffed, and cool air penetrated his lungs. He instinctively tried to take a deep breath, but a sharp pain in his chest made him wince and left him unable to both continue inhaling or hold his breath. He had to keep his eyes strongly shut to control the pain till he accustomed to the situation.

Finally having the strength to open those blue gems again, he found himself in a place he didn't recognize. He felt sore, and the only part of his body he could move were his eyeballs, but not without worsening his headache.

For a good moment he stood there, listening to his body aching everywhere.

_At least I am not in the desert anymore,_ he thought.

The last thing he recalled was his teammates' worried looks on him, right after Trent unloaded him from his shoulders.  
Where he was now and how he got there was a total mystery.

He slightly looked down his dressed arms and followed the tubes coming from them to his left, finding himself attached to IVs and monitors.

_Hospital? Sick bay? _Clay asked himself. _Am I inside the base? Am I still in Africa at all?_

In the background, he spotted a blurred figure. He could not clearly distinguish his -or her- features, but he could tell for sure that he -or she- was wearing an uniform.

He sighed, but the pain in his chest hit him acutely again, and again, he had to shut his eyes strong to control it.

Then he turned his head to his right, and his blue gems sparkled, finding before him Bravo Team in full force.

_They're here!_ He thought, feeling the relive filling every inch of his beaten body.

He could not help but smile.

His teammates were talking to each other, without acknowledging he was awake.

_Are they... arguing?_ He concentrated to hear their voices, but he couldn't.

_Yes, the explosion._ He remembered. _My ears were not working._ That thought hit him like a lightening, and for a little second that blew him off.

But he was still smiling.

Despite the pain, despite the fear, despite everything, he could not wipe off that smile: his friends were there. They were there for him. And that was enough.

He opened his mouth to draw their attention, but instead, he quickly drifted unconscious, and his brief moment of lucidity passed unnoticed by the rest of Bravo Team.

**... ... ...**

An hour later, the soldiers were still all there, waiting.

They would get up and sat back, exercising their cramping muscles.  
They would stare at the kid, then glance out the window, then observe some nurse checking on him.  
They would now avoid to look at each other, then search a teammate's looks to gain some much needed support.

All that in a loop, as the clock ticked inexorably, and Clay still didn't opened his eyes to them.

Trent was staring helplessly at the beeping monitors, synchronizing his own heartbeat to Clay's, like when before a mission they had to synchronize their watches.

"I think he would be a great therapy dog when he retires," Davis said to Brock who was laid in the next bed, petting Cerberus.

"_What_? He is never going to retire! He is gonna do this forever, right my good boy?" Brock said, trying to keep the dog busy, and not let him go near Clay's bed. The risk of infections with the kind of lesions the kid sustained was really high, the doctor made that well clear.

"Would you please stop that, Sonny?" Ray said, distracted from his thoughts by his teammate wandering around the room, restless.

"I can't help, okay?" Sonny stopped, but only for a single second. "I can't stay here doing nothing! It's not my nature."

"We all feel the same here, guys," Jason said, stopping his two teammates before they could start arguing again like they were doing from all day.

"Hey! Guys," Davis suddenly called for Bravo's attention. "He's awake," she said while smiling kindly to Clay.

The Team members rushed to him and found his baby blue eyes wide open, staring at them.

"Hey..." Clay whispered.

Relive filled the soldier's heart while big smiles cracked on their faces.

"There he is!" Sonny said. "Oh, Boy, you made us worry for real this time!"

Clay's confused look made them all remember he still couldn't hear their voices, and the heavy sound of his short breath made them realize how difficult it was for him to force his voice out.

Immediately, Jason wrote something on a paper note.

Clay's look sharpened, his expression growing even more confused.

"Ah! Give it to me!" Davis said, tearing the pen and the paper block from Jason's hands.

-_You will be fine, give your body the time to heal_\- she wrote clean and clear.

Clay nodded, and they spotted a little grimace of pain hiding under his smile.

Seeing him struggling like that made their own smiles fade, but just a little and just for a split second. They knew they had to continue cheering for him, no matter how they were feeling.

"Thanks for coming back for me..." Clay's voice was feeble, his forehead was now covered in sweat, and they could see him fighting hard to keep his eyes open.

"Of course brother, of course," Ray said, forgetting once again he could not hear his voice.

But the words weren't needed there. They could see it from Clay's expression. The only thing that mattered to him in that moment where their supportive looks.

"I'm sorry for all the trouble I gave you..." Clay's voice full of distress.

"Hey, don't even mention it, Kid," Jason tried once again to communicate with him.

"I'm..." Clay could not finish his phrase that he rapidly drifted unconscious again.

"Clay? Clay!" They all jumped to their toes and moved toward him in unison.

"It's okay, guys. Let him sleep," Trent calmly said, seeing the monitors did not signal any anomalies in Clay's body functions. "He'll be alright, he only needs to get his strength back."

Bravo members all sighed soundly, trying to relax while keeping their eyes on the kid's white and sweaty skin.

But this time Trent was wrong.

**... ... ...**

* * *

**_Author's Note_**_: This chapter gave me big troubles. Balancing action and emotions, making the guys hanging while tension rose, then having communicating with Clay being hard... it was a lot to deal with. I just hope I could give justice to all that._


	6. Chapter 6

Clay's eyes slowly fluttered open, and the pain awakened with is conscience.  
The memory of the explosion as well as the car crash gradually lightened his clouded mind while the smell of antiseptic and the persistent buzzing in his ears welcomed the soldier to the real world.

Fluctuating in that bubble, Clay didn't know how much time had passed since he was conscious last, or how long he had until the dream world would reclaim his presence again.

He agonizingly took a deep breath, his chest on fire and his muscles contracted. Then he searched for his teammates' warm looks.

Well, warmth was not exactly what he was trying to gain from them, he was already burning like if he woke up in hell.

Clay felt trapped in the once comfortable blankets with the mattress under him soaking in sweat and hot, sticky pools forming under his armpits.

He closed his eyes, relieving on his skin the sensation of the bright sun rays warming the desert air. He saw the dunes and the burning vehicle, and then Abigail's lifeless look, recalling he had to abandon her there.

_Oh, Abby..._ At that thought Clay's heart got caught in a strong vice, and breathing became harder while the sweat drops on his forehead multiplied.

Over again, he was alone in the middle of nowhere with the sand surrounding him and his sense of direction lost. His throat closed, the warm air could not penetrate in his lungs anymore while his heart pounded non-stop.

Gasping, his weary eyes wandered around, desperate to find his friends.

Sonny and Ray were right beside him, their wide eyes lightening at the sight of his blue gems peering in them.

Clay blinked, trying to focus on his teammates while breathing became a little easier, and for an instant, the pain became more bearable.

_Why are they looking at me like that? _he thought, lips pursed and panting heavily._  
Did I do something wrong... a__gain?_

_Wait, where are the others? _Clay tried to peek behind Ray and Sonny, not spotting the rest of his Team._ Did something happen outside the base?_

As weak smiles cracked on his friends' apprehensive faces, and Clay rested his head on the pillow, fighting the urge to close his eyes again. His muscles were aching so bad, and his mind was confused by the constant background sound resonating in his ears.

_Well, either way they should dissimulate better. This is not helping... _he thought, while his sore throat and his dry mouth made swallowing difficult.

At that point, Sonny must notice his fatigue because a second later he handed him a cup of water.

Clay lifted his arm to grab it, but his hand-eye coordination was not the best, and his hand missed the target, his fingers clenching the air.

The gaze Sonny and Ray exchanged at that moment underlined his failed attempt, and made Clay's pale cheeks color in all the shades of red.

Caring for his little brother, Sonny thoughtfully helped Clay put the straw in his mouth. This time, Clay's hand landed on the cup, which Sonny kept holding for him while he welcomed the refreshing liquid down his throat.

The desire of choking down the whole bottle grew in Clay as his throat was sore and dry like the desert itself, but all he was able to do was only taking a few, small sips.

"Thanks," Clay said under his breath, licking his lips to not waste even the littlest drip of that so much dreamt elixir.

While Sonny was still holding the cup, Clay's hand shifted to touch his friend's, and his eyes widened, begging for an explanation. He had barely the strength to keep his arm lifted, and his hand, rested on Sonny's wrist, could not stop shaking even for a second.

His teammates' lips moved so rapidly that he could not read them. His eyes shifted from Sonny to Ray then back to Sonny, but all he could hear was the damn ringing, penetrating deep in his brain.

Losing his grip on Sonny, Clay rested his arm on the bed. Then he closed his eyes in the attempt to hide his lost look from his friends.

A moment later, a gentle touch on his shoulder made him open his sleepy gems, and he found Ray showing him a piece of paper with black letters scattered on it.

Clay blinked repeatedly, trying to read the note, but his vision was blurred and the words seemed to move before his eyes.

He tried as hard as he could to focus on his friends' voices, but the buzzing in his ears became louder any minute. He wanted to scream and he wanted to run away, but his paralyzed body wouldn't obey his wishes.

He managed to put his hand on his hears; his world spinning and dizziness growing, a grimace of pain cracked on his face. Clay wanted to cry, he wanted that sound to stop.

His confusion grew higher while he tried unsuccessfully to catch his breath. Suddenly, the nausea struck him, and the taste of bile filled his mouth.

Clay found himself gagging and gasping. The bile wanting to get out, the air not wanting to get in.  
His entire body was now shaking as the cold penetrated deep down in his bones while the dream of the desert nights clouded the reality of the sick bay.

He felt deadly cold. And lost; the immense sky above him and the dry land under him.

He felt like drowning.

Despite all the shivering, he could feel sweat drops descending from his temples and his gown soaking and sticking to his skin.

One minute he was freezing, lost in the immensity of the desolating night, the other he was being cooked by the beating sun, the suffocating air forcing its way into his lungs.

The only constant thing was the loneliness. The deadly feeling of being abandoned there.

Clay used the little strength he could recall to lift his arm again and reach out for someone, and Ray was right there to promptly grab it.

Clay felt secure by Ray's strong hook, but his brown, deep eyes were telling a whole other story.

Meeting their eyes, Clay saw his friends were not even trying to hide their concern anymore; he could feel the tension transpire from every single little movement they made, and he was distracted from the physical pain by the guilt of making them worry like that.

But he could not ease their pain.  
Clay couldn't help them; the sting that invested him at every breath he took was already ghastly on its own, and again threatening to take control of his brain.

_I can not let them down, not again._ This thought echoed in Clay's mind. _If they can't reach me, I have to reach them._

And he tried; he tried hard.

He opened his mouth to say something, but his thoughts were confused. At that point, he didn't know what he was actually saying, or if he was saying something at all.

At every gasp, breathing got harder and then all went black again.

**... ... ...**

As the beeping in the background grew irregular, Ray and Sonny shared a concerned look. Clay's gagging made them flinch, his gasping resonated with the beeping sound speeding up. Horror filled them as they watched him fighting for air and struggling to reach out for them.

"We're right here, brother," Ray said, sat on the edge of the bed while his hand was firmly wrapped in Clay's cold, sweaty one.

"We won't leave you again, you can count on that," Sonny said, placing himself right behind Ray, so Clay could see them both without too much efforts.

Clay's blue gems widened searching for some reassurance, but the two SEALs did not have the strength to put the calm mask on their faces.

"Everything's gonna be just fine, brother," saying that, Sonny had to grit his teeth.

Clay's eyes kept roaming in the void as a strong reminder their words could not reach his ears, nor his heart.

The thought he was drowning in the silence hit them like a cold shower, leaving them no more moves to help the suffering kid.

Ray kept holding Clay's shaking hand in both his. Every second that passed, he had to tighten his grip as he felt his mate's hand slip for his muscles giving up on him.  
Ray tightened hard like if Clay's permanence in the word of the living depended on that contact; like if letting Clay's hand slip trough meant letting his soul slip away in an ocean of solitude.

The two soldiers saw their injured mate's lips disclosing while feeble sounds came indistinguishable from them.

Ray turned to Sonny, silently asking if he could get what Clay was trying to say, but the lost look he threw him in return said it all.

If Clay was in the silence, they were in the dark, not able to reach him.

Then Ray felt the strength definitively abandon Clay's hand, and his baby eyes closing while sweat drops continued inexorably multiplying on his forehead, framed with shaggy golden curls.  
He closed his eyes, not wanting to loosen his grip, then turned to Sonny. Their eyes locked, pure terror in them, and again the thought of Clay not feeling their presence hurt their soul deep.

**... ... ...**

The beeping sound of the monitors underlined the time passing slowly while the doctor carefully visited his patient. Now, the void sick bay was full again as the whole Bravo Team came running at Clay's bedside.

The guys held their breath, accompanying every gesture the caretaker made with their heavy looks.

"What's happening? What's wrong with him?" Sonny asked the exact moment the doctor finished checking on Clay.

"He caught an infection. We knew it could happen."

"But you said you saved his spleen. What's the matter with that?" The extreme worry in Sonny's voice was clear to all.

"Yes, I said that. The removal of only the damaged region will guarantee him a good function of the organ, but it is not infallible even in the healthiest people."

"Aren't you already administering him a full range of antibiotics to supply to that?" Trent stepped in, trying to appeal to his medical training to understand what was actually going on.

"Again, yes. We're giving him what we have at disposal." The doctor's tone was cold and detached. "The thing is, he already had his immune system compromised. To be honest, the burnings in his arms, the tympanic rupture, and the broken ribs are all big risks when it comes to infections."

"Wait, what's the connection with his ribs now?" Sonny frowned to all those medical things.

"Cracked and broken ribs can compromise the respiratory capacity, and that makes him subjected to lung infections."

"_Pneumonia_?" Trent's eyebrows raised, his tone growing acute. "Did he caught pneumonia?"

"That's exactly the problem here; we don't know."

_They didn't know. _This thought hit the soldiers in their hearts while they exchanged terrified looks. And glancing down to the pale, agitating Clay made the feeling even harder to bear.

"The possible explanations to his fever are much more than you would expect," the doctor continued. "And even if we could run the needed test here, that will not assure we would have the answer in time."

"Wait, is the infection that dangerous?" Jason asked, glancing at the restless kid.

Clay was breathing heavily under the oxygen mask; his eyes blinked, his look was off, and his hands moved in a delusional call for help, shaking like the rest of his body was.

"In his conditions, yes," the doctor coldly stated.

Those words made the soldiers' hearts skip a beat, and cold sweat appeared on their foreheads.

"Plus we won't have access to the specific meds in short times," the doctor continued.

"So what do we do?" Ray looked down at Clay, his wild, golden hair matted against his deadly pale forehead.

"We will continue to give him what we have, but the truth is that it would be vastly better if we could transport him to Landstuhl Regional Medical Center."

"You wanna fly him to Germany?" Trent's eager tone made all his teammates' muscles contract.

"I would. LRMC is the absolute best in soldier's care. It would surely be the best option, but-"

"Well?" Sonny didn't let him finish. "What are you waiting for?"

"They can't," Trent helplessly said, preceding the doctor. "Not till he's stable, right?"

They all stared at the medical officer, lips pursed and eyes avidly demanding for an answer.

"Petty Officer Sawyer is right. I'm afraid your teammate can't handle such a long flight in his current conditions."

_He can't handle the flight_. Those words resounding in their heads left their heart dry.

Clay could not handle the flight.

"Right now the risks of complications are greater than the benefits of the transfer," the doctor finished.

"So we just watch him suffer like this?" Ray protested, a grimace appearing on his face.

"We are doing all we can to fight the infection and get him good to fly."

"We know," Jason sighted. "Thanks, doc."

Watching Clay tossing and fighting so hard in his sleep, their hands started hitching, and they could feel their blood flowing rapidly in their veins.

They felt useless. At that very moment, Clay was attending a battle they could not fight with him like they always did.

_Hurry up and wait_, too many times that phrase applied to their job and to their lives.  
It was part of the job they signed for. For sure they got the whole package; action and sits back, good outcomes and bad once. But this was hard to stand.  
It was every single time, but _this_, seeing the youngest of their brothers risking so much because they couldn't be with him when he needed them, was mind blowing.

They failed him. They knew that and they had to live with that. At that point, they could only hope Clay could _live_ with that too, so they could make amend.

"Sorry to interrupt you, sir," a soldier appeared behind Blackburn's back. "Officer Ellis requires your presence in the command center."

Blackburn reluctantly turned to him, barely able to took his eyes off Clay. "I'm coming," he sighed, turning one last time to his unconscious man.

"The Team too, actually," the soldier timidly said.

The SEALs closed in around Clay's bed, gazing at their commander.

"I am not leaving him alone now," Ray spoke up for all them. "He needs us."

"Davis will stay with him," Blackburn severely said, making her a sign to settle back down. "For the rest of you, let's go."

Bravo members looked at him silently, arm crossed and feet firmly four square.

"Listen up, guys, there's nothing concrete we can do for the kid right now." Blackburn glanced down; pronouncing those words while staring at his ghosted skin was harder than ever.

Then he turned his look up, peering straight in Bravo's eyes. "I'm not pulling out the ranking card on this, but there is someone out there for whom you can make the difference between life and death. Do you really think Clay would let someone die because you preferred to stare at him sleeping instead of doing your job?"

"Of course not, but..." Ray reluctantly admitted.

"The commander's right," Jason threw a last look in Clay's direction then headed out, feeling pain at every step away. "Let's go; he'll be fine."

_He'll be fine, _Bravo Team silently prayed, leaving the young soldier to Davis' cares.

**... ... ...**

The sick bay was deserted again, and the beeping of the heart monitor echoed in the room.  
Alone in there, Davis couldn't do more than witness powerlessly to Clay's restless sleep.

His ruffled beard colored Clay's white face in gold reflexes, and his baby blue eyes opened for her now and then, silently asking for help.

She gently dried his forehead, trying to calm him down when a voice startled her. As she turned, she found there the three missionaries.

"Sorry, we didn't mean to startle you," Aaron said, approaching. "We just wanted to know how your friend is doing."

"He is a fighter," Davis said, barely looking at them. "He is fighting."

"Abby..." Clay's feeble and distant voice called for their attention.

Hearing him pronounce her name, the missionaries winced and shock drew on their faces.

"Is... is that... you?" Clay continued, reaching his hand out toward Leah.

She hesitated. Leah had nothing of Abby's red hair or green ocean eyes, so they couldn't understand how the soldier was mistaking her for her dead friend.

"Shh, it's okay, Clay," Davis passed her hand on his sticky hair, carefully caressing his hot skin, but he continued raving, not feeling her a bit.

"Abby, I'm sorry... I-I'm sorry..." he muttered, his arm shaking hard, his fingers stretched out, desperately trying to reach the lady missionary.

Reluctantly, Leah found the courage to approach his bed and take his hand, preventing him to keep agitating so much.  
She forced out a smile, encouraged by her two friends. The missionaries had their moment, sure, but now they knew what happened to Abby was not Clay's fault.

The one who apparently had not that clear in his mind was Clay himself.

"I should have done a better job," Clay continued in his ravings. "I should have saved you... I'm sorry... so sorry..." He laid his head back on the pillow, panting, but he wouldn't loose the grip on the missionary's hand.

"It's okay, it's not your fault," Leah cried out while her eyes filled with tears, and Aaron had put a hand on her shoulder to comfort her.

"S-sorry... s-so... sorry..." Clay's crackly voice reached directly their hearts.

"I don't know what to do." Leah turned to Davis with her eyes lost, always keeping her grip strong on the soldier's hand.

"You're doing great, it's- it's that he can't hear your voice." She pointed at the cotton in Clay's ears. "Just keep on doing that." She glanced down at their tided hands. "Make him feel your presence, just like that. He needs to feel it. He needs to feel us." Davis' eyes were now watery too, and she had to appeal to all her strength to maintain the control.

**... ... ...**

Bravo Team was back at the base camp after getting another of those annoying babysitting jobs done. The sun was still high in the sky and the dusty air was burning their lungs.

They were all covered in dirt, with small cuts and bruises on their faces and arms, but they didn't think even for a second about cleaning up and rest. Their primary thought was to go see their injured teammate.

As they got in the sick bay, they spotted Davis and Blackburn in the corner of the room, watching some nurses fiddling with the tubes Clay was connected to.

"Hey! What are they doing to him?" Sonny approached in a hurry.

"Transfer to LRMC," Blackburn said, not getting his eyes off the kid.

"Is he good to fly now?" Rey asked. "Did he awakened?"

"Only for a bit, but he was delusional," Davis sighed, her arms restless.

"We can't wait anymore," the doctor explained, approaching them. "The fever keeps climbing, and we don't have the resources to help him here."

"So you are taking the risk?" Jason asked, tension in his muscles growing.

"It's either that, or watch him slowly die right here." The doctor's cold tone made their word stop.

_Watch him die_. The thing they feared the most was there in front of them right now.

"So when do _we_ take off?" Sonny interrupted the glacial silence.

"You're not, Sonny." Blackburn crossed his arms and watched his men straight. "Listen up, I know you don't wanna leave him, but you have to complete your deployment."

They opened their mouths to protest, but the Commander cut them short with a firm voice. "Charlie Team will be here in one week to relieve us. Till then, we do our job at the best of our possibilities. Am I clear?"

"I'm not gonna leave him flying alone," Ray stepped up, hardly controlling his shaking limbs.

"You can do nothing for him, he will be unconscious the entire time," the doctor said. "Leave him to the medical officers." He glanced to the caretakers handling Clay's transferring. "Believe me, your brother is in good hands."

They all looked back at their suffering teammate who had now his blue gems open, frantically fluttering toward them.

Jason immediately approached him, followed by the rest of the Team. "We're here, Kid. Right here," he said, resting his hand on Clay's chest.

Clay stared at him, breathing heavily then lifted his arm and grabbed Jason's sleeve as thigh as he could, which wasn't actually very thigh at all.  
His lips slightly moved, but no sound came through.

Jason took Clay's hand in his, feeling it shaking and losing strength every second that passed.

"You have to go now, but we will be there for you soon; very soon, I promise." He locked eyes with him, trying to transmit him all his confidence.

"He can't hear you, remember?" a nurse said to him. "And even if he could, he would not recognize you. His temperature is too high; his brain is not responding properly."

They all stared at Clay's lost eyes rapidly scanning them. They watched him blink and search for someone in the room.

_We are all here for him, is it really possible he can't recognize us?_ they asked themselves, tormented by the desire to relieve his pain.

"It's time," a medical officer said to them, starting to push Clay's litter. "Don't worry, I got him."

They escorted him outside the building and all the way through the plane, crossing the base.

"Wait," Ray stopped them right before they could load him on board.

He got close to him, gently put a hand on his heart and lean his forehead on Clay's, feeling the kid's hot sweat transferring to him.

"Stay strong, brother," he said in his ear careless that he could not hear his words. "Stay strong for us." A tear escaped from the soldier's eye, despite he was hardly trying to sniff it away.

Jason put a hand on Ray's shoulder and made him back off, so the corpsmen could finish their job.

They all watched helpless while Clay's pale face disappeared inside the hangar, and as soon as the hatch closed they cleared the runway.

The seals kept their eyes on the vehicle since it disappeared over the horizon, then moved to go back to their job.

"He is strong," Blackburn interrupted the silence that once again echoed deep in the soldiers' hearts. "He is strong and he will pull through this."

The look in Bravo Team's eyes yelled loud how much they feared it was not true.

**... ... ...**

Clay woke up in a new place, surrounded by people he didn't recognize. A sterile smell immediately came to his nose and he felt cool air painfully filling his lungs.

His whole body was on fire, his head was exploding and the persistent loud ringing in his ears overhung even his deepest thoughts, making Clay feel like he was in SERE training again.

He tried to look around. Cold and strong lights made his eyes hurt, and all those strangers around him didn't make things easier for him.

Clay felt he was moving, but he was pretty sure he was not in a vehicle. He tried to lift to better see, but he was secured to something, _a litter, or a stretcher,_ he thought after passing the strong constriction sensation that made him want to rebel. Then he laid back as the little movement left him out of strength, dizzy and even more disoriented than before.

He felt a consistent but gentle touch on his chest as some man was communicating with him, but he could not understand what he was trying to say.

Clay felt like he was burning alive, and breathing was a difficult task to outcome. He couldn't move, he couldn't talk, he barely could keep his eyes open. He felt trapped in his own body, like he was witnessing something from behind a porthole and could do nothing to change things.

As multiple people started touching him, he tried to oppose, but he quickly had to surrender, to stop wasting the little strength he still had in his unresponsive body.

Clay focused on the faces he had before his eyes, asking himself why he didn't recognize anyone. He was scared, and the only thing that rose above his pain was the thought his teammates were not there with him.

_I'm alone. I'm alone again, h_e thought.

Then a big needle appeared before his eyes and in a few seconds it was the oblivion.

**... ... ...**

* * *

**_Author's Note_**_: Thank you for keep reading and for the kind review I received._

_Well, this was another challenging chapter to write. I had my tough time trying to give you both sides of the coin, but I loved so much the contrast in the points of view._

_This bubble Clay is trapped in, the loneliness, the guilt and the pain threatening him, it's a shield that the guys can't crack. The hardest part was trying to show how hard they tried to break this silence from both sides and the tragedy of each of them not knowing how hard the other is fighting for it. I tried to make this bubble transparent so they could, at times, see each other and keep fighting for each other. I hope the guys feeling powerless and guilty too, helped me to give justice to the heartbreak of them letting Clay go, and to him finding himself alone for real. _

_Well, they are tough, let's just see if this bubble can be burst somehow._


	7. Chapter 7

The sun waved at the base camp, it's rays just starting to warm up the soil, and a tepid breeze spread the dust through the dry air. That night, Bravo members could not sleep a wink, feeling the weight of the distance between them and Clay.

Dark circles under their eyes, the Team was now full force in the command center, eager to have some news on their injured teammate.

In the quiet room, the atmosphere could be cut with a knife; Blackburn's stoic expression while talking on his satellite phone was hard to decode, and his weak moans and nods did not give the seals a lot to work on.

"So?" Sonny asked as soon as the commander hung up the device. "What did the doctor say?"

"Clay's a fighter; he is for sure." Blackburn's tone was severe, but it let go a tip of uncertainty.

"We know!" Jason jumped on his toes. "But how is he now?"

"They had to open him up again." The commander had to bit his tongue to maintain a calm tone.

"Open him up again?" Sonny echoed, cold sweat poking on his forehead.

"Hey, he's stable now," Blackburn switched to a warmer tone. "The doctor hope he will be on his feet in a few weeks."

"A _few_ weeks?" Broken-record Sonny sounded. "Didn't they say he could be out of the bed in less than two?"

Blackburn crossed his arms. "That was before something called 'fistis' formed under his surgical incision."

Trent got all tensed in his pose. "Did you mean fistulas?"

The Commander nodded at him, and Trent let out a loud sigh.

"What's that?" Jason stared alternately at Blackburn and Trent, feeling they were not telling them the whole truth.

"That's a pretty serious complication, guys," Trent continued, his expression darkening.

"But he is good now, right?" Ray asked, his apprehensive tone resonating in the silence.

"The doctors cleaned the thing out, but there's still a chance it will form again," Blackburn delivered the message he received word by word.

"Those things are nasty little bugs; never predictable." Trent's words made the soldiers to glare at him in shock.

"But he _is_ strong. And he _is_ a fighter," Trent continued. "I'm sure he will pull through just fine. And with a cool scar to show and a good story to tell."

"Yeah," Brock sighed, petting Cerberus. "Not so sure he will be that open about any combat story; you know, after what we put him through lately."  
He looked up to his mates. "I just hope he doesn't shut us out."

"Fair enough," Sonny admitted. "We seriously knocked him down with that Spenser Senior's book thing, uh?"

Jason crossed his arms, sitting on the edge of the table. "We failed him."

The silence in the room was dreadful with all the soldiers looking down at their feet, those words tearing their hearts apart.

"Let's leave that behind," Blackburn encouraged them. "What's important now is that we are all here for him."

"Except we are not actually _with_ him!" Sonny's annoyed tone spoiled the atmosphere even more.

"Has the doctor said anything about his hearing?" Ray asked; before his eyes the image of Clay's lost expression.

"Well, that's another sore subject." Blackburn's tone made the SEALs' concern grow again.

"They had to clean his hearing canals from infected liquid, but other than that, nothing."

"Will he ever hear again?" It still was Ray who had the courage to ask the uncomfortable question.

"The doctor said the safest option is to let his eardrums heal on their own, but they will revalue the option of operating him in a month."

"If they can actually do something, why in the world aren't they doing it right now?" Sonny raised his voice.

Everyone in the room stared at their speechless commander, their muscles tensed, needing to do something for their young mate.

"Every surgery has risks," Trent spoke up, forcing himself to maintain a detached tone. "They make the wrong move, and Clay loses his hearing for good."

_No, that's not an option_, they all thought, staring at Trent with their lips pursed.

"Plus Clay's body is too weak to be put on the table again safely."

_He is too weak. He is weak, and we are not with him. _The soldiers exchanged helpless looks, feeling the distance between their hearts and Clay's growing deep.

**... ... ...**

Clay gradually regained consciousness, finding himself wrapped in warm blankets.  
Before he was even able to open his eyes, he clenched the cotton sheet in his fists and caressed the soft mattress.

_Is this my home? Am I in my own bed? _

Cuddling that feeling, his lungs inflated slowly, welcoming in the clean air. But suddenly, a stinging pain in his chest hit him and left him paralyzed for a couple of endless seconds.

Wheezing, Clay forced his weight on his arms to lift his torso, but that way, he made the burning sensation awaken in them.  
Quickly, the pain in his chest expanded to his whole left side, and breathing only made it worse.

He opened his eyes; all was blurry and plunged into semi-darkness. He concentrated and managed to discern some monitors, tubes, and medical stuff all around him.

_No, I'm definitely not home._

A soft buzzing in his ears accompanied his memories coming back. The mission; the hostiles; failing Abigail; the desert; the shooting... all came at him once, making breathing even harder.

Then his mind went back to Ray and Trent saving his ass, then again to his whole over-concerned team in the sick bay.

He felt he failed them too.

_Wait, where are they? Did they leave me?_

_I'm alone again..._

Clay's eyes filled with tears, but he tried not to let them go. Then the dizziness came, and he had to relax his tensed muscles.

"Ow... my head,"he moaned, taking a hand to his temple, then down to his ear. His fingers touched something soft, probably a small cotton ball.

_My hearing... _He rested his head on the pillow, staring coldly at the white ceiling as the shock took control of him.

_I lost my hearing!_

Before he knew, one of the salty drips that now marked his cheeks landed on the corner of his mouth.

_Come on Spenser, man up! What would Sonny say seeing you like this? _Clay started inhaling, short and regular breaths were all his contused chest let him do.

The air was clean; no dust, no dump, no suffocating heat, and there was a strong and penetrating odor of bleach, mitigated by the scent of lemons. What he could not smell was blood and sweat.

_No, it's not quite the typical field hospital smell. _

Not only the room was sterile, he was all cleaned up too. Clay's fingers descended on his jaw, rubbing his soft, smooth skin. The confusion grew in him; he hadn't shaved in two months.

_Where the hell am I? _He searched his bed till he found a call button and pressed it.

A few minutes later a slim brunette appeared at the door, smiling toward him.  
She immediately glanced at the monitors, then gently put a hand on Clay's chest and with the other indicated the tag on her uniform.

Clay sharpened his eyes to read _-US Army-_ and _-Blake- _on it.

On her shoulder he could discern two narrowed stripes. She was a corporal.

Then the woman took Clay's medical file and pointed to the script in the folder.

-_Landstuhl Regional Medical Center- _it said_._

"Germany?" Clay asked under his breath. "How the hell did I get here?"

The nurse's soft lips moved, and he couldn't help but ask himself if her voice sounded kind and warm like her smile was.

_-You flew here-_ she wrote on a block-notes.

"Yeah... but who took me here? Where's my Team?" Clay shut his eyes in a grimace, holding his breath as pain invaded him acutely.

Corporal Blake gently touched him on the shoulder and showed him her note.

-_Your unit is still in Africa_-

"It's a team. Not just a unit. A _Team_," Clay sighed. "Why I am here without them?"

-_Bad infection, could not be treated there. Had to open you up again-_

Clay sighed soundly, for sure he was feeling that. Then his mind shifted to his friends. "Are they okay?"

The nurse's eyebrows slightly lifted, drawing a cute, confused expression on her face.

"My Team, are they okay back there?" Clay insisted, to distract his mind from the pain in his body. "Did something happen to them?"

-_Not have this info, sorry_\- she tried to smile at him. -_I'm sure they are fine_-

"Yeah,"Clay closed his eyes once again, the ringing in his ears becoming louder.

_They have to be,_ he thought, letting escape a little growl.

-_Pain?_ \- She made him read the note; her severe look saying, 'don't you dare lie to me'.

Clay nodded, out of breath.

The nurse took a small amp in a hand and a needle in the other. Then she injected something into the IV, and showed him the labeling. It said, 'morphine', but Clay didn't need to read that to understand.

He immediately felt light while the pain started to dissipate.

-_Need us to contact someone at home? -_ Blake wrote down for him. -_They told me your emergency contact is not in the loop_-

Clay shook his head. "Who needs to know already does, they were all there..." he whispered, or maybe he just thought it, slowly drifting unconscious.

**... ... ...**

The night was passing slowly in the Petty Officers' cabin when Sonny woke up at a sudden.  
He gasped, inhaling the cool, dry air, and took his arms under his head.

Staring at Clay's empty bunk above him, Sonny had to admit to himself that the last few days were not a nightmare.

Suddenly, Cerberus popped up on the top of him. The dog knew Sonny needed a friend and there he was, insistently demanding to be petted.

_You are so smart_, the SEAL whispered, smiling.

He would surely have added something like, 'Smarter than you, Cover Girl', if only Clay was there to listen. But he wasn't, and Sonny's smile faded.

"What time should it be in Germany, Bud?" the seal muttered in Cerberus ear, trying to imagine what would Clay be doing at that exact moment.

"It shouldn't be that different from here, am I wrong?" he kept petting the dog, "Yeah, how can you know?"

Sonny abandoned his head on the uncomfortable pillow. _Come on, Spenser, keep fighting._

He kept petting Cerberus, at least he had a support. But Clay? What did Clay have?

_Don't surrender, brother, you're not alone._

Sonny felt so guilty for not believing in Clay when he should, and now that the kid needed it even more, he could not tell him how much faith he had in his strength.

"He knows that we'd do anything for him, right?" he found himself talking with the dog again.

At some point, the heavy sound of Trent's snorting took Sonny back to the here and now, making him jealous of his soundly sleeping mate. Then he looked to the upper bunk opposite his, finding Brock staring at him, probably asking himself who stole his dog pillow from his bed.

Their eyes met, peering deep trough the darkness in each other's soul. 'I'm here for my brothers' those look said.

**... ... ...**

The sun slowly peeked its weak rays trough the small openings in the blinds, awaking Clay from his tormented sleep.  
He was still loopy when Corporal Blake got in the room and put an open laptop on the mobile table, pointing at it.

"This device will help you understand what is being told you." Her words appeared on the screen.

"Great... thanks," Clay forced his voice out, his throat sore and dry. "Just hope I don't have to use it my all life..." he sighed.

"Oh, your ears will heal, just give them time."

For a moment, his look shifted from the screen to her, finding a kind smile on her face.

"How are you feeling today?" the nurse continued.

"It's all still blurry," Clay admitted, clenching the blankets to hold on reality.

She pointed the thermometer at his forehead. "It's because your temperature is still high." Again her lips disclosed in a warming smile. "Don't worry, we are working on that."

Then Corporal Blake moved the covers down and lifted the gown to check on the surgical incision.

While his white cheeks colored in red, Clay winced as the nurse touched his skin and removed the bandaging on his side to take a look under it. Despite the latex gloves she was wearing, he could feel her hands were cold, and her soft touch alleviated the sensation of heat that was pervading his whole body.

"Good, it's healing pretty well," the nurse spoke in the laptop's microphone after settling the covers back in place. Then she slightly lifted the back of the bed and adjusted the pillow for him.

Clay tried to relax, taking in a deep breath while his chest painfully lifted. "So... when can I go home?"

"I'm afraid you'll have to wait a while for that, soldier." Now her smile was not so convincing.

"I'm that bad, uh?" He kept forcing himself to breathe deeply to prevent lung infections.

He tried to keep the spirit up, but surrendering to the pain was so tempting. Although, the doctor told him that with another infection, he would complete the punch card and win a mug or a teddy bear.

"You know that this device also works with long distance calls?" The nurse said.

"Yeah?" Clay's eyes lightened. He could talk to his friend now; he could see how they were doing without him.

"Yeah, so you can call your squad now."

"It's a Team. _My_ _Team_..." he whispered.

"I know," reading her words, he could see with the corner of his eye she was softly chuckling. "Don't be so sensitive; I was just messing with you."

"I just... I-" Clay babbled, his head spinning. The walls started to move before his eyes, and the nausea, his unfailing companion, awakened once again.  
"I'm sorry, can you lower the back of the bad? I'm- I'm not feeling well." He fought to control the gagging.

"Of course." Nurse Blake did as asked, then softly dried Clay's sweaty forehead. "Maybe that call should wait after all. You better rest."

"Yeah... maybe..." Clay closed his eyes and in the complete silence, he didn't even know if the nurse was still in the room while drifted away.

**... ... ...**

The hottest hours of the day had the whole Bravo Team reunited in the command center when Clay's call arrived.

The soldiers' lips disclosed in big smiles as Clay's baby face popped up on their screen. He was in a semi-laid down position and a nice room could be seen behind him.

Clay's skin was still ghost-white and the heavy dressing on his forearms were evident from the camera angle, but the mere fact that they could see his blue gems wide open was enough for their eyes to light up.

In the general excitement, Sonny was the first one to speak, "Wow, you look awful, Blondie."

"I hate to say this, but I have to agree with Sonny here," Jason smirked. "Did they give you any food there?"

The soldiers saw Clay's eyes going quickly from left to right, reading the transcription of their words. They held back a sigh, suddenly remembering the damages in his ears while patiently waiting for his reply.

_"Thanks, guys; the same goes for you all."_ Clay's voice was still not high-pitched, and his attempts to hide his pain from his friends wasn't of good use.

Bravo members all looked at each other, chuckling because they were totally covered in dust and dirt, with panda-like faces on.

"Just ignore these junks," Blackburn jumped in the conversation. "How are you feeling, son?"

_"Doing better every day, sir."_ Clay's voice was not convincing at all, but they all decided to believe him. They _had_ to show him a little faith this time.

While the warming chat continued, no one seemed to notice Ray was silently in the back of the group. For sure he was relieved to see his friend safe and sound, like they all were, but before him, Ray still had Clay's lost look, and the thought he was alone again didn't give him peace.

_"Did I miss anything interesting?"_ Clay tried to shift the attention off him, a tip of distress in his voice. "You are not doing anything stupid without me, right?"

They tried to answer at once, causing Clay to look at the screen eyebrows raised.

_"Guys, guys, slow down. This thing can't keep up with you, and I already have a growing headache."_

The SEALs bit their tongues, they could not stand to cause Clay any more pain.

"We can't do anything stupid if we miss the most stupid of the Team, right?" Sonny made his teammates all laugh.

"You know, it's all just routine now, but nothing is that easy with a man down," Jason smiled to him.

_"Yeah, sorry about that."_ They could feel pain growing in Clay's voice, and sense his desire to be with them.

"Well, you need to come back to us soon, if you want to make up for it," Sonny said in a serious tone. "And you should bring a case of good beer with you." Now he cracked a big smile, like his teammates did.

_"I would be right there even now,"_ Clay slightly tilted his head, shrugging, "_but they don't even let me pee standing..." _

"Well, it shouldn't be such a big problem for you, uh?" Sonny scoffed. "Don't you use to wet the bed every night?"

Clay softly chuckled, adjusting his position in bed, and a grimace of pain drawn on his face while an almost inaudible growl escaped from his mouth.

Seeing him suffering just for that little movement made the SEALs' hearts skip a beat. Clay was supposed to be trained to bear the pain, if he struggled to control it was not a good sign.

"Sorry to interrupt the fun, guys," Blackburn glanced at the monitors behind them, "but some of us still have a job to do."

_"Of course, sir,"_ Clay gritted his teeth while a suffering voice came out of his mouth and sweat drops descended on his shaved face

"Hey, don't play with us, Kid, understood?" Sonny said. "The next time we see you, you better be on your feet, okay?"

_"You should tell this to my guards here."_ They saw Clay watching beyond the screen, looking for something or someone.

"And try to not drive the nurses crazy," Trent said, making them all chuckle.

_"Yeah, I'll try,"_ Clay smirked, but then his expression went darker.

_"Be safe out there."_ He greeted them right before ending the call.

Bravo Team kept their smiles on till the screen turned black, then they all sighed in unison as that last image of Clay's dark look got impressed on their minds.

**... ... ...**

As soon as he ended the call, Clay heavily rested his sore body on the mattress, relieving in a big sigh. Now that he was alone again, he could stop gritting his teeth and let out his real feelings.

With a dough mouth and a scratchy throat, he reached out for the water cup on the mobile table.

_Of course it had to be empty_, Clay thought lifting the light thing.

At that point, if he wanted to drink -and he _needed_ to drink- he had to reach for the pitcher and use both his hands to fill the cup.

Lifting his torso, he felt dizzy and he had to lay back. But he needed that water, so he painfully took a deep breath and tried again. That simple movement was not simple at all, and the water pitcher seemed made of lead, but calling for help was a big no for his ego.

A soft growl accompanied his movements, and finally, he could have the fresh liquid descending down his throat.

Clay stared at the cup; the little water left rippled for his trembling grip, almost hypnotizing him.

_How the hell I'm supposed to get back in action and cover for my teammates like this?_ He wished they could be there with him, that they could understand he would not for any reason in the world abandon them.

He closed his eyes, trying to make himself strong from the fact he just saw his family. But his Team was not there now, and Clay was once again all alone with his mind.

_They didn't fool me, something there was not right._ He had in mind the image of Ray staying in the distance and not speaking at all.

_Was it my fault? Something I did? Was it still for my dad's book?_

Clay was so immersed in those thoughts that didn't acknowledged nurse Blake's entrance in the room, so, when she approached him and took his wrist, he winced and opposed, exhausting his last strength.

The Corporal didn't back off; actually, she firmly but gently blocked him. After all, she was a trained soldier too. So, she looked him straight, revealing him her chocolate-brown eyes, which spoke louder than her words.

Breathing heavily, Clay saw her lips moving slow, saying something that must be like, 'calm down' and 'it's okay', he assumed, and gradually relaxed under her soft touch.

His heart still pounding and his chest burning, the young soldier painfully gasped for air, then looked up to the ceiling for a second before turning back to her.

"Sorry if I startled you." The nurse's word appeared on the laptop's screen.

He blinked slowly, "Sorry if I reacted like that."

"SEAL reflexes, right?" her reassuring smile warmed him up.

"Yeah." Clay cracked a small smirk while the nurse quickly measured his temperature.

"What's wrong?" He asked, spotting a very light movement of her head.

"Your fever just won't cool down," she said, putting the latex gloves on and setting up some tools on the mobile table, next to the laptop. "It seems to be even more stubborn than you."

"I don't think it can ever be..." Clay's eyes kept moving from the screen to the nurse and then to the tools she brought up. "What are those things?"

"It's time to change the bandages on your forearms and clean up the burnings," she said, taking out a needle. "It will be painful, I'll give you some morphine."

Clay opened his mouth, trying to act brave in front of the pretty nurse, but he quickly changed his mind; the pain in his whole body was already challenging him.

He felt her hand lifting his right arm to settle it on a pillow, and saw her carefully starting to remove the dressing.

The seal let out a soft moan when she reached the final layer, feeling his skin lifting with the gauze. Now he was glad he accepted the morphine.

Extremely glad.

He didn't recall his arms were in a such bad condition, but then he remembered how the dust covered him from head to toe, and how the adrenaline and the fear covered his pain back then.  
Clay couldn't help but stare at his reddened skin, holes and sores in it, while the nurse removed the dead tissues.

_Holy morphine_, he thought clenching his fists.

He bit the bullet till she finished with the first arm and dressed it again. Then, while she moved to the other side of the bed, he closed his eyes summoning his SERE training to overcome the pain.

The SEAL felt Corporal Blake lift his left arm, ready to start the torture over again, and his mind sought refuge in the memory of his Team.

He imagined Jason's fatherly look and Sonny's voice mocking and babying him.

Then he thought about how softer was Blake's touch confront Trent's.  
_Maybe he can take some lessons from her, _he thought, but that was not the reason why he was glad his friend was not the one to mend him.  
He knew that Trent would never stand to cause him so much pain, and Clay would never bear the guilty look on his friend's face while doing so.

He wished Cerberus could be with him to distract him and give him some comfort, and he wished Brock could be there too, because he knew he would give him so much force.

Clay could also feel Ray's supportive look on him, but then, he remembered that during the call his mate said nothing to him.

That made him remember how cold his teammates were to him when they deployed and how wrong it felt.

Doubts grew in Clay. He was falling into the trap of loneliness again, but then Bravo' concerned expressions when they found him in the desert popped out before his eyes. And the genuine smiles they had when he called them were still impressed in his mind.

The conflict between the two different feelings he had in his heart distracted him from the physical pain.

_Is it really water under the bridge? _He asked himself. _Do they really believe in me again? _

Clay's head was now spinning, and the chest pain he constantly felt, was not only due to his broken ribs.

"Alright, we're done." Nurse Blake made him read the screen, bringing him back to the present. "Do I need to lower the back of the bad?" She adjusted his pillow.

He slowly nodded; moving his head was not such a great idea, and the taste of bile reached his mouth.

"Why don't you have some rest?" Corporal Blake now moved to lower the blinds, and darkness fell in the room.

"It sounds a really good idea," Clay admitted, his voice coming out broken and his skin hot and sweaty.

Abandoning himself to the dreamworld, the only thing he could think about was his Team, his family, and pray they could be safe out there without him.

**... ... ...**

* * *

**_Author's Note_**_: Thank you for the support you keep showing me._

_So, it appears now that Clay is slowly improving. Poor guy, let's give him a break... or not?_

_Now, the team; I always feel unsure in writing the team's dynamic.  
Here I tried to put the tension of the untold things because, yes, they found a way to talk to Clay again, but not quite a way to actually communicate with him, not for real. _

_What I liked writing was the Team constantly having each other in their mind. I hope I was able to make you perceive the contrast between how they handle the distance, like Sonny who finds comfort in his teammates' looks, Ray who deliberately puts himself in the corner, and Clay who is actually alone and let doubts grow in him, missing the real presence of his mates, a presence he felt lacking from before he got hurt._


	8. Chapter 8

The long day was coming to an end, and for once, the scent of the shower gel filled the petty officer's cabin. There, in a perfect mix of concern and excitement, Trent and Brock stared at their laptop, both holding their breath and waiting for Clay to pick up the Skype call.

The SEALs' tired eyes widened as soon as their friend's baby face popped up before them, and they both instinctively reached out to rub their jaws as to make sure their beards were still on there.

Despite a fine pink color had now taken the place of the white and green Clay was wearing lately on his cheeks, the two soldiers couldn't help but feel it wrong compared with the tanned faces they saw every day on each other.

"Hey brother," Brock spoke first, Cerberus' snout on his lap. "How are you doing there?"

"I'm damn bored, man," Clay said, adjusting his position in bed.

Doing so, a little growl escaped from his mouth, causing Brock and Trent to glance at each other, holding their concern.

_This is totally normal,_ they thought, _he is okay; nothing more than sore. He _is_ okay,_ they kept repeating to themselves.

"So we were not interrupting anything?" Sonny popped up at his teammates' back in his Texan underwear. "You know, like sexy sponge baths or hot nurses' company?" he teased with a mischievous grin cracked on his face.

The guys saw Clay's blue eyes shifting from side to side; gladly enough, he was too focused on reading the transcriptions to notice Sonny's almost naked body pocking on his screen.

"Yeah," Clay cleared his throat. "The sponge thing is overvalued, believe me."

"You only say that because you're not fascinating enough to charm the ladies there, Not-So-Pretty Boy." Sonny scoffed.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sure it's just that," Clay chuckled softly, glancing down to his forced-on-bed-rest body.

Then his expression turned serious. "My hands really itch, guys," he sighed. "I'm so sick of holding back."

The three soldier raised their eyebrows and peeked down at the bottom of the screen where Clay's heavily dressed arms were well visible.  
They did appreciate him sharing his discomfort with them, but it seemed a little out of character. Every Team guy is used to keep everything inside him till someone is insistent enough to dig words out of him, and this time they barely scratched the surface.

_Is it possible he is already at his breaking point?_ they thought.

"I don't think you should mess up with the bandages there," Trent said, shifting his look from Brock to Sonny and back to the screen.

"Come on, not a real itch." Clay opened his arms, palms facing up-ways, his expression a mix of disappointment and confusion.  
"I miss the _action_, guys!"

"Of course you do," Sonny said while the three of them made eye contact again.

_Yeah, of course he does!_ they thought, _Figurative talking_. That made much more sense.  
No matter how hurt a Team guy was, his hands would always itch for action.

"Hey, don't be jealous, Kid. You'll be back playing in the dirt soon enough," Trent said, throwing a supportive glance at him. "Enjoy your vacation till you can, trust me."

"Yeah..." Clay sighed, then turned to look beyond the laptop.

"Sorry to interrupt you, Bravo Team," a female voice-over reached them.

The SEALs' light eyes met, then, shrugging, they stared at the screen till a slim brunette appeared there.

"Oh, look at that!" Sonny smirked, proudly standing there in his Texas themed underwear. "Good evening lady."

"Don't mind me, soldiers." The nurse wore a marked pink color on her cheeks, and a warm smile illuminated her pretty face. "I only brought my boy here his dinner." She showed them the tray of food.

"Her boy?" Trent held back a laugh. "So he didn't lose his charm after all, right?" He tilted his head, glancing at his two teammates before turning his full attention to the nurse's toned body bending toward the laptop's camera.

They saw the tray in her hands passing by and disappear, probably to be laid down somewhere near the device, but the food was not what drew their attention.  
For any soldier deployed in the middle of nowhere for so long, that momentary sight was a much better view than their teammate's beaten appearance.

"Oh, no; please, don't go!" Sonny said, raising his voice for her to hear while she disappeared from the screen. "You're much more interesting than the kid here."

Sonny, Trent and Brock heard the nurse's soft laugh in the distance and watched Clay's eyes escorting her out of the room.

"Oh, come on, Kid! Where were you hiding her?" Sonny said in a serious tone which was in total contrast with the grin that made his face glow. "It's not nice trying to keep her all for yourself, you know? Not nice at all, Boy."

Clay's eyes lightened too, "Who is jealous now?"

The SEALs all chuckled; it was like they were not three hundred miles apart from each other.

"Come on, Bud, don't make your food get cold; you need to strengthen up," Trent said, making Clay's eyes to shift to his left, away from the laptop.

"I bet that food is another thing we must be jealous of, right?" Brock said, letting Cerberus go wandering around the cabin.

"I'll take the bet and save some of this stuff for you to taste, brother." The face Clay made removing the cloche form the tray said it all.

"Oh, come on," Brock smiled, "even if it's hospital food it can't be worst then the rations they give us here."

Clay huffed, "Oh, you will be surprised."

The three soldiers watched him sniffing some non-identifiable cluster and couldn't hold back a sound laugh at the grimace of disgust that appeared on his face.

"A man has to do what he has to do, right?" Sonny smirked.

Clay glared at him, the fork still in his hand. "I'd prefer to eat the dog food."

In the beckground, Cerberus barked like to defend his possessions, making Brock and the others turn to him. The three soldiers chuckled while Clay stared at the screen eyebrow raised. Apparently, the device did not translated the dog language.

"Eat that," Trent ordered him, turning back to the screen. "You are already losing mass there, do you really want Sonny to be more fit than you?"

"Hey! That's already so!" Sonny contracted his biceps and show them his toned bare chest. "And always have been."

Clay smiled. "No way that's ever happening." He forced himself to take the bite.

"Good Boy," Brock said in the same tone he usually talked to his dog.

"Yeah, okay, you are not staring at me while I choke down this... _thing_," Clay said, stretching out his dressed arm to end the call.

"Well, we have stuff to do here too, you know, Blondie?" Sonny said with his usual teasing tone. "Hey, enjoy your dinner-"

Clay cracked out another cold glare, while big smiles drew on Brock and Trent's faces.

"Yeah, yeah; see ya, guys..."

"But most important, enjoy the hot chicks you have as nurses there," Sonny smirked.

"I'll do that for ya, brotha." Clay chuckled, but then his tone turned serious once again.

"Be safe out there."

"Of course we-" Sonny started to say, but Clay had already ended the call.

The three SEALs looked at each other, sighing. The elephant was still in the room and sitting uncomfortably on their chests.  
Every time they opened their mouth, they could not decide if it was too soon or too late to talk deeply with Clay, and the right moment to share their real thoughts never came.

The light atmosphere in the Petty Officers' cabin quickly turned quiet again, and with the bedtime coming, the empty fourth bunk there kept the holes in their hearts wide open.

**... ... ...**

In the quiet hospital room the artificial lights well enlightened the tray on the mobile table, but Clay did his best to keep his eyes fixed on the laptop screen. The smell of that so called food was already disturbing enough without adding the sight of its blob.

The flow of words going out of his teammates' mouths appeared rapidly before him, and Clay's eyes continued to shift from the transcriptions to their glowing eyes and back. Their warming expression made him imagine their now supportive now teasing voices. No matter that he could not hear them now, he had that sound recorded so deep in his heart that he could picture it in his mind whenever he needed to.

What he didn't like to imagine was his friends' sunny expressions shifting to all-concerned mode from seeing him struggling. And for sure, he did not want to see that happen now, because right now, he was dealing with some serious head spinning with the smell getting to him the hard way.

"Be safe out there," Clay rushed to say, ending the call before his friends could feel the distress in his voice.

As the screen went black, he rested his head on the pillow, eyes closed.  
Using all his strength to keep his breath steady, he felt the cold metal of the fork in his weak grip. Now he had no more excuses for not focusing on his dinner.

_Maybe my head is spinning for the lack of calories in my body_, he thought, knowing he should definitely eat something, even if it was _that _something. So, he tightened his grasp on the fork and took a second bite, this time a little more consistent than the first one he tried in front of his teammates moments before.

Clay chomped; the taste was actually better than the smell, but going on eating was not such a pleasant experience anyway.

In the past few days, the SEAL got used to the nausea investing him, and every day more, he felt he could control his unfailing companion better. But still, it was always there, like it was the disturbing buzzing in his ears.

Often, the two things were just a background annoyance, something that every day got more easy to ignore.  
Sometimes, one symptom overcame the other, and despite that was more challenging to bear, it still was within his reach.

But rarely, it occurred to him the worst case scenario where the buzzing made the dizziness grow, and the dizziness made the nausea stronger, causing, in turn, the buzzing to became more insistent and so on. All that in a circle, leaving him overwhelmed and fighting to breath.

And lucky him, this was one of those times, and is brain was caught in the middle, incapable of properly react.

It didn't matter how much relieve Clay had from chuckling with his friends just a moment before, his body was now telling him it was time to focus back on himself.

_Come on, Clay, concentrate_, he thought, sniffing, and the smell of the food bothered him again.

With his hearing out of order, it was natural for him to focus more on the other senses, but that didn't mean he was becoming superman; far from that.  
On the contrary, it meant the touch on his skin while mending the cuts and burnings he had on was more painful; it meant the light hurting his eyes when the blinds were cut open and the darkness usually surrounding him dissipated; it meant the uncomfortable hospital smell to be more suffocating; it meant the taste of bile filling his mouth much more hard to stand.

Clay laid there, overwhelmed, and maybe the dizziness was a consequence of his compromised equilibrium and maybe the food smell was just the last straw, but one thing was certain, all that together made his task to finish his dinner impossible to outcome.

Fighting hard to control his stomach turning and his head spinning, Clay surrendered and put the fork down. Then he focused on his breath while pushing the call button. He needed some help before the half dinner he chocked down could come back in an even worse form.

Nurse Blake quickly came and took the tray away. Then she gave Clay a bag, just in case, and helped him in a more comfortable position.

Her touch was gentle, her smile warming and her look reassuring. Every little gesture she made was aimed to make Clay feel better, and he sensed that. He sensed it deeply.  
No words were needed, especially because talking with him was not much useful considering that he would not be able to read the words on the screen anyway.

Clay forced his eyes to stay open till she finished with him; he needed to see her chocolate-brown eyes and her red lips comforting him. That was everything he had, and he had to make it be enough.

Darkness fell as Corporal Blake turned the lights off, and Clay couldn't tell exactly when she disappeared from his visual field.  
Now, with the buzzing settling down, the silence mounted and he started to calm down.

_Come on, breathe in-_ Clay thought, starting inhaling deeply with his nose till his chest refused to go any further.

_Out_... he slowly let the air leaving his body from his mouth.

He continued like that till the sickness was more bearable, but then all was too quiet and the fear of the loneliness awoke in him. His mind shifted to the call he just had with his teammates, trying to hold on their support.

_Why wasn't Ray there?_ Clay asked himself, before his eyes he had the image of his teammate's silent figure during the first Skype call they had.

He could get why Jason was not with the others this time; he was Master Chief and he must have stuff to do with Blackburn and Mandy, Clay knew. But not seeing Ray hurt him.

_Does he hate me that much?_ he thought, and with that feeling constricting his heart, Clay drifted in the dreamland where nightmares were waiting for him.

**... ... ...**

The desert night had the whole base shrouded in silence with the dry air getting more easy to breath. In that framework, the low sound of Jason's snorting rocked the sleepless Ray while he kept tossing in his bunk.

Usually, Ray liked that calm; there he could think and even pray, in the best days.

But not this time.

Tonight, that quiet was dreadful and made his thoughts echo loudly in his mind. And unfortunately, there were not encouraging at all.

No. There, in the silence, he could only feel how bad he failed his young teammate.

Ray could still feel the weight of leaving Clay alone with the missionary; of leaving him in peril after the explosion took place. The thought of the hostiles taking control of his young mate and of him alone in the desert, surrounded by threats, ate Ray from the inside.

He could feel the weight of the abandoning; he could feel Clay's loneliness, his sorrow and his fear like they were his own.

Alone, hurt and lost, that was exactly the way Ray still saw Clay whenever they called him via Skype. The guilt was the reason why he couldn't say a word to the kid; everything he could say would just be void, like the void shell he was in that moment.

The rules of engagement were no valid excuses for what he did, and Sonny had every right to remember him the hard way, exactly like when they were in the sick bay waiting for news. There was an essential rule he should have respect. No one is left behind.

Ray knew that, but he still did. He left Clay behind, and now, he was not able to make amends to him. He was not even able to look at him in the eyes.

Those feelings, the guilt, the regret, the shame, all that were the reason why, when Trent told him they were going to call Clay earlier that night, he didn't reach them in their cabin.

And now the silence of the night made that weight grow heavier and there was no prayer that could alleviate his pain.

**... ... ...**

_The sun was high in the sky, and the heat reverberating from the desert soil was breathtaking. Clay looked around, only sand for miles and miles surrounding him.  
Then he looked closer, this time, his Team was there._

_Right in the middle of nowhere, the guys were quietly talking to each other; he could hear their voices now. They were planning some kind of action.  
__But then the voices started to get lighter and lighter while a soft buzzing slowly started to take control of Clay's brain. _

_He pursed his lips trying to reach his teammates' ears, but no sound came out of his mouth. Then he tried to approach them._

_A sensation of cold invested Clay as they didn't even notice his presence. __Bravo's looks passed through him while their voices got more and more distant.  
He felt like he was shifting away from the reality. _

_He was a ghost._

_Clay wanted to scream, but he felt his throat closing and took his hands to it. __"I'm here, guys!" he tried, but no one could hear him._

_While the ringing in his ears became louder, Clay saw his teammates getting away. __They were leaving him behind.  
_

_"I'm right here, guys!" Clay tried again, but again, nothing. No one noticed him._

_The buzzing was now unbearable, and Clay fell on his knees, his hands on his ears. His head was spinning so hard that he wasn't even able to tell the difference between the hot tract of land and the infinite blue sky anymore._

_The thing that took him back to reality was the earth starting to shake. __A crack opened in the soil, between him and his Team, and he felt the land collapsing beneath him and the sand starting to swallow him._

_Clay tried to scream and reach out for his teammates, but again they seemed to pay no attention to his presence._

_"Help!" he kept crying, stretching out to reach his friends. "Help me, guys!" Forcing his voice out of his throat was painful, but not as much as it was his Team ignoring him like that._

_At some point, Ray noticed him and approached the edge of the drop off. But he just stood there, arms crossed. _

_Silent._

_"Help me!" Clay cried once again, but Ray kept standing still, deadly silent with his dark eyes glaring at him.  
Clay__ desperately tried to reach out for his mate, to stretch his hand as much as he could to touch him, but again, no reaction from Ray nor anyone else of the Bravos._

_The earth kept shaking beneath Clay's feet, the sand collapsing on him. The heat was suffocating, and he had dust in his mouth and nose. __And Ray and the rest of the Team were still and soundless on the edge, looking like they didn't care._

_He was breathless, swallowed by the sand and cooked by the sun. That silence hurt his soul._

Clay's eyes abruptly popped open, his pupils dilating to see through the darkness, and his body suddenly cracked in a painful gasp. His hair was matted on his forehead, sweat running down his back. His muscles were paralyzed, but his body was shaking hard.  
He could not take the air in, and his brain was too clouded to even think of trying to say something. Clay panted, his heart clenching at every little gasp; his chest was burning like hell, his throat was closed and dry as the desert.

He felt like the nightmare he had was real, with the distance between him and his Team too wide to fill.

Clay was weak and powerless, slowly drowning in silence and loneliness. And he couldn't do better than wait there, holding his breath in his shaking body while his mind tried to rationalize the dream.

**... ... ...**

Another day passed, the sun rapidly hiding behind the dunes and the air cooling down. After the last mission, Bravo Team was scrolling down the dirt from their uniform and silently putting their equipments in order in their barrack when Blackburn reached them.

Under normal circumstances, they would be chilling and cracking jokes; after all, their last assignment went exactly as planned: in; action; out. Just like that. And then they came back to their routine.

But this time the routine was cracked, and they were quiet; too quiet. Their minds were lost and their thoughts too heavy to be shared.

No, that was not normal circumstances; the weight of being a man down for an entire week was growing too heavy. Clay was so far away from them and all alone. Suffering.

They knew he was in good hands, and every time they video-called him, they saw his conditions improving. But still, they were not able to talk to him as often as they would, or the way they would, and they knew he was suffering the loneliness while, instead, they were all together.

"Good job out there," Blackburn stopped right outside the door as the place was already crowded enough. "I have some good news for you, guys, Charlie team is on its way here. Our flight home is tomorrow morning."

All the soreness went away in a flesh, and the seals' tired eyes lightened up.

"It was about damn time!" Sonny said, clapping his hands. "The last week seemed to never end."

"Wait, you said _home_?" Ray raised an eyebrow. "We're not going home, we're going to Germany; to Clay." He needed to see him in person, he needed to explain, even if he didn't know how.

"Come on Ray, you know that we can't just fly there full force," Blackburn said, arms crossed. "The hospital has rules."

"We promised him, we can't leave him there alone any longer," Ray moved toward the door, but stopped there, feeling his tone was getting too loud.  
"We owe him," he sighed.

"That's why two of us are heading there while the rest go home." Blackburn glanced at Trent and Sonny.

"Wait, why them?" Ray protested. He _needed_ to go see Clay; he had so many things to say to him, and the commander could not keep him from doing that.

"You have children, Ray, and they need their father," Trent said, rational, then glanced to Sonny. "We don't." He shurgged.

Ray thought about Naima and the two little creatures she had to raise on her own for the last two months_. _He knew his family needed him, but Clay was his family too, and he promised him to never let him down again.

_I'm sure they will understand if... _he stopped, hearing his son's cry in his ears and his daughter lightening eyes before him, with his wife's supportive look and kind smile in his heart.  
_No, I can't abandon them too, _he thought, feeling like he already let down too many people.

"I haven't got any children either," Brock stepped up, wanting to be on the list.

"What about the fur baby there," Trent made him glance at Cerberus. "You can't fly him to Germany with you."

Brock sighed.

"Don't worry guys," Trent continued. "We'll take good care of the kid. I'm the one who took him on the shoulders saving his ass in the first place after all, right?"

"You wouldn't do a single step if it wasn't for us covering your asses, you know that!" Brock rolled his eyes.

"That's right," Sonny chuckled, "and that's why, my friend" -he put his arm around Trent's shoulders- "you are lucky enough to have me on your side during the entire flight to Germany."

Trent huffed, a trip alone with Sonny must not be such a treat for him.

"And so is Clay, having me push his sore body out of that damn hospital bed and all the way back home with us," Sonny continued. "You can count on that."

"Hey, why don't we call him and tell him you are coming?" Brock said, glancing at the laptop on the table.

"Wait no," Sonny stopped him. "We can call him, but I wanna see his face when we'll stand in front of him at the hospital."

"Yeah, because you think that waking up to those ugly faces will gave him any joy?" Brock scoffed.

"Hey, come on Ray," Jason put a hand on his friend's shoulder, seeing him darkening despite the now relaxed atmosphere. "None of that was your fault, and the Kid knows it. You don't have to rush to his side, things will be just fine."

Ray shook his head, gritting his teeth.

"We'll see him when he comes back home." Saying those words cost Jason a lot. The desire of reunite with the young soldier was strong in his heart, but what was growing stronger was the nostalgia of his children and the sense of responsibility toward them.

"Yeah, yeah, you're right. He is in good hands." Ray said, glancing at his teammates still chuckling in the barrack.

_They have his back, he won't be alone anymore,_ he thought. _I have to trust my Team. The last time we did not trust one of our own _this_ happened... _At that thought, Ray couldn't help but shiver. All that happened because trust lacked between them, because they put Clay in the condition to need to prove himself to them. And when things went sideways they just left him there.

That relaxed atmosphere felt wrong to Ray, the void talk on Skype with Clay, the jokes and the attempts to act tough and suck it up in front of each other were all in vain. There was something that needed to be said, mistakes that needed to be forgiven, and all that void talking was not enough to patch the tear in their hearts.

**... ... ...**

* * *

**_Author's Note_**_:  
__Looking back to when I started writing the story, this chapter was supposed to be the last one. Well, now it's not. I guess the story went more deep than I first thought it would, and scenes kept adding themselves into the mix._

_The most challenging part for me here was once again trying to capture the Team dynamic, and especially Sonny's character was the most hard to portray right.  
__The dream sequence instead, just came to me and flew so naturally out from thoughts to paper. Bless the inspiration strike._

_This show is so much rich of details and emotions that makes me want to improve and go more deep, more detailed and more true. I hope one day I'll get there, in the meantime, I'll keep trying._


	9. Chapter 9

Trent and Sonny entered Landstuhl Regional Medical Center. The white corridors were so quiet they could hear a pin drop, and the cold lights were turned on even in plain day making the atmosphere even more sterile.

Although they had seen much worse, for sure, it was not the happiest place in the world and was far from reassuring. Advancing in the building, the smell of sanitizer assaulted their noses, taking over the strong smell of sweat they both emanated.

"We're looking for Petty Officer Clay Spenser," Sonny said as the two approached the nurses' desk.

The dark circles under the SEALs' eyes were marked, pit stains clearly visible on their shirts, and their hair messed up funnily, but they hadn't thought even for a second about stopping by their hotel to freshen up. The minute they landed, they went to visit Clay at the hospital, their young teammate being their top priority.

When Sonny and Trent got to his room, they found Clay not so quietly napping in his bed.  
A single, weak sun ray seeped through the not completely closed blinds, making the sweat on Clay's pale skin glow. Approaching, the first thing the two SEALs noticed was the heavy bandages still present on the kid's forearms and the IV drip attached to his left arm.

Trent exchanged a look with Sonny, his tired eyes saying it all; Clay was not nearly as good as they hoped. The young soldier's ghost-like appearance and his heavy panting underlined he was still far from being ready to go home with them.

A question rose in their minds, was Clay hiding his sorrow from them during his calls, or did he have a relapse?

Before Trent could go in search of a doctor who could explain the situation to them, Sonny dropped his bag loudly on the floor.

"Mmm... someone is trying to sleep here." Clay's weak voice drew their attention to him. He still had his eyes closed and was swallowing laboriously.

Sonny looked at Trent with a raised eyebrow. "Wait, he heard that?" His lips cautiously curving in a little smile.

"Clay? Did you hear that, Buddy?" Trent asked, approaching the bed, hope awakening in him; in both of them.

Clay was now closely inspecting his friend's worn-out faces, his baby blue eyes widening.  
"Why do you always have to be so loud, Sonny?" He cracked a big smile.

That was something the whole Bravo Team missed so much and it brightened the dark room in such a disarming way that the other two SEAL's hearts nearly exploded in joy.

"What are you talking about? I'm as graceful as a butterfly," Sonny smirked while the tension in his muscles dropped, and his knees felt weak.

But then Clay tried to hide a frown, his eyes sharpening and rapidly moving.

_No, his hearing problem is not all resolved_, Trent and Sonny immediately understood, concern rising again in their warm hearts.

Quickly glancing at the bedside, Trent opened the laptop and turned on the program to communicate with Clay. "So, you still can't hear us?"

Clay shrugged, forcing his sore lips to keep up the smile on his fresh shaven face. "My hearing is improving, but yeah, I guess it's still pretty out of order."

"Well, I envy you, Kid" Trent kept talking in the microphone, but glanced at Sonny. "At least you don't have to hear him complain all the time," he teased his friend. "Have you any idea how long a flight can seem when you have _this guy_ making your ears bleed with his ravings?"

Clay softly chuckled, and immediately placed his hand on his chest, holding his ribs.

That laugh was another thing they all missed so much, and despite the grimace of pain hiding behind his joy, that sound was music to the soldiers' ears.

Trent continued, "Yeah, it was a looong flight; I think you owe me big this time."

"Hey!" Sonny raised his hands palms up.

"Guys..." Clay swallowed again. "Is-is everything okay?" His voice came out a little croaky.

His two teammates glanced at each other as the kid's concern came out of nowhere.

"No, seriously, wh-what are you doing here? Is-is anyone hurt?" They noticed Clay's heart beat was speeding up.

"You mean anyone beside you?" Trent handed him a cup of water.

"Tell me the truth, guys."

"No, Clay, we're all okay," Trent continued, seeing the shadow of fear in his young friend's eyes.

Clay took a couple of small sips of water, then rested his head on his pillow. "So... wh-why did you come here?"

"Oh, come on! We were just on an endless flight to see you, and that's how you welcome us?" Sonny crossed his arms.

Clay closed his eyes and whispered, "Thank you for coming, but... there was no need."

Again the two SEALs exchanged a look, then turned back to Clay. His tone and his expression saying the opposite of his mouth. He needed them there, and he knew it.

"Yeah, says you," Sonny sat in the chair next to his friend's bed.

_Oh, come on, he was dying to see us_ he thought, glancing at Trent._ Why is he trying to shut us out?_

"You already owe us a case of beer for saving your ass in the desert," Sonny continued. "We just thought to add another one on your bill for giving you some company here."

"And make sure you choose a good one." Trent backed up his mate. "We are in Germany, Kid, you have far too many choices here!"

"Of course," Clay chuckled while reading his friend's words on the screen, again wincing as his chuckles forced him to hold his ribs.

"You know, you gave us a big scare, Boy," Trent said, more grave. "Everyone would have come in person to see how you're really doing."

"Everyone?" Clay sounded like a teenage girl asking if her crush is coming to her party.

Sonny's ocean-blue eyes met with Trent's, their heart clenching at the thought Clay doubted all of them would be there for him.

"Of course! We're here only because we pulled the short straw," Sonny smirked.

Clay looked up at the ceiling, fumbling with his fingers.

"Come on, spit it out," Trent said, making him look at the laptop screen. "What's wrong?"

Clay cleared his throat and looked straight at them. "Is Ray okay?"

"We told you, Clay." Trent raised an eyebrow. "We didn't have any more casualties."

Clay closed his eyes again for a moment, hesitating. "Is he... Is he okay... _with me_?"

The older soldiers' eyes met again, and again they felt bad for the kid having doubts about them.

"He would come here running if he could," Sonny said. "Blackburn had to order him to go home to his kids."

They saw relief drawn on Clay's face, as a big sigh escaped from his mouth. A small tear slid down the young soldier's cheek, but the other two decided to believe it was just another sweat drop.

Carefully observing his pale skin, Trent saw Clay was forcing his eyes to stay open. "Hey, you don't have to strain yourself for us," he said, glancing at the medical file clipped to the foot of Clay's bed, tempted to read it.

"Yeah..." Clay croaking voice made clear to his friends he was not out of the woods yet. "But it's too good to see your ugly mugs here, how can I miss them?" A weak smirk covered for his fatigue.

As usual, Sonny searched for something stupid to say, but this time his wheels turned in vain. All that was too much to bear.

"Come on, go back to sleep," Trent encouraged Clay. "Whether you want it or not, these two mugs will be right here the next time you open your eyes."

Clay didn't make his friend say it twice and rapidly abandoned himself to the dreamland.

Exchanging looks, the two SEALs could read on each other's face all their tension and worry.

How could they take Clay out of that hospital if he couldn't even get out of the bed? They were suddenly worried that they would not be given enough time to wait for him and bring him back home with them.

Sonny and Trent glanced at the sleeping beauty, his ruffled golden hair matted on his white forehead, the corners of his mouth slightly lifted. He seemed so calm. He was now nothing compared to the raving young man they recovered in the desert.

_Leaving him here alone is not an option, not again._ They both thought, settling in the room.

**... ... ...**

The hours passed slowly, while Clay was still asleep in the semi-dark room and the soldiers were getting used to the constantly beeping monitors.

While Sonny diligently fulfilled his guard role, not letting his reddened eyes off Clay, Trent sneaked out of the room to talk to a doctor.

"So?" Sonny quietly asked as Trent got back, forgetting Clay could not hear them anyway.

"He'll be good," Trent settled near Sonny, glancing at the sleeping soldier. "His recovery will be a little longer than we'd hoped, but he will pull through just fine." He relaxed on the chair, letting go of all the tension that had held him hostage for so long.

"Why does he still look like crap?" Sonny asked, looking back at Clay's baby face, now gradually regaining a more suitable color.

"Don't worry man," Trent reassured him. "His surgical incision is healing well, and the spleen is working right as it should." He paused a little while, inspecting Clay's bandaged arms. "Only the burns on his arms are giving him a little trouble. That's why his fever climbed again the other night, and why he is this zombie-like."

"Hey, don't joke about zombies," Sonny tensed in his seat, "you know how I hate that word."

Trent laughed, then they both turned their attention to Clay who was slowly coming back to them.

"It was about damn time, Sleeping Beauty," Sonny smirked. "Well, you didn't even need the prince to kiss you this time."

"Yeah, would you have had the honor, Sonny?" Trent chuckled.

Sonny huffed as the young soldier didn't react to the tease. The lost look on Clay's face was a constant reminder of his condition, and that was hard to swallow.  
No, it was not funny when the kid could not know how his friends were trying to mess with him.

Then Sonny got up to lift the blinds and let the bright sunlight enter the room. As the warm sun rays hit his face, Clay blinked and turned away, a little growl escaping his mouth.

The two SEALs looked at him, a fine pink color finally appearing on his smooth skin, his messy hair brightening with gold highlights.

"Woah!" Trent jumped up from his seat and put an hand on Clay's chest, preventing him to move. "Where do you think you are going?" He made sure Clay could either hear his voice or read his lips.

"Give me a break, Trent! I just have to take a piss," Clay said, lifting his torso from the bed and sticking a foot out.

"You can do it in here." Still with a hand stretched out toward his friend's chest, Trent took out the empty urine bottle from the bottom shelf of the bed table. "Nurse's orders." He handed the plastic container to him, still in his pose and with a severe look on his face.

"Oh, come on, man! Are you kidding me now?" Clay made a move to sit on the edge of the bed, but he suddenly felt dizzy and lost his balance.

Fortunately, Trent got to him in time and supported him before he could fall to the floor.

Sonny's muscles painfully tensed, leaving him in between feeling paralyzed and wanting to help.

Connected to him in a gentle hug, Trent helped Clay back into bed.

"See, that's the reason why they don't let you stand up alone," Trent's severe tone reached Clay through his firm glare.

"Alright, alright." Clay settled back in his semi laid down position, blinking repeatedly. His breath was speeding up and shades of green colored his face.

"Just take the bottle, Blondie," Sonny said. "If I were you, I wouldn't disappoint the hot nurse. Actually, I would please her in any way possible."

Seeing Trent laughing, Clay turned to Sonny and frowned, distracted from the dizziness by the frustration of not understanding the majority of what his friend had said.

"Come on, go ahead." Trent put the bottle in Clay's hands, glaring at him till he tightened his grip on the thing. "There's nothing new under the sun." He moved to lift the back of the bed, so his friend could be more comfortable in ending to his needs.

Clay let out a big sigh. His problem wasn't using the urinal in front of his friends, it was not being allowed to stand up and do even the smallest everyday task. Moreover, not being _able_ to do them on his own.

After a couple minutes casually watching outside the window, Sonny turned back to Clay. "Oh come on, Kid! Since when do you have a shy bladder?"

Trent laughed at them, but as his eyes landed on Clay's face he noticed the kid was growing super-white again, and his smile faded.

"Hey, you okay, brother?" Trent approached Clay and started to hear the noise of the liquid accumulate in the plastic container.

"I'm done..." Clay said in a low voice, taking the half-full bottle out. His face was still pale, and suddenly his muscles abandoned him, leaving him resting heavily on the mattress.

Clay's hand lost its grip on the bottle, but Trent promptly caught it, avoiding spilling the liquid. After putting the thing down, the older SEAL rushed to lower the back of the bed and turned to check on his friend.

"Woah, woah, what's happening?" Sonny shivered, watching Clay slowly coming back to himself.

"It's okay, it's only his blood pressure," Trent reassured him, gently slapping Clay on his face.

"_Only_ his pressure?" Sonny echoed, not able to hide his concern.

"It dropped for a minute, but it's already coming back up, right Buddy?" Trent continued, his hand gently resting on Clay's cheek, his fingers scratching his friend's sticky hair.

Clay blinked, his voice croaky and his eyes wandering around asking, "What just happened?"

"It's okay," Trent spoke loudly and clearly. He then opened the laptop and spoke in the microphone. "Sitting up can cause a sudden drop in blood pressure, especially after being laid down for this long."

"Great..." Clay whispered eyes closed and abandoning his weight on the mattress. Not only he couldn't pee standing, he barely managed to pee sitting up. That was just great for his career expectations.

Sonny couldn't hide his pained look as he watched Clay rest, his heart clenching for seeing him in thie condition.

"I can't stand this anymore," Clay let go a loud whisper.

Trent and Sonny looked at each other, lips pursed. A big wave of sorrow flowed from Clay to his teammates.  
They knew it was not about his physical pain, no, what he couldn't stand was feeling that powerless and useless.

Every Bravo member could feel him. They actually felt the same because they could do nothing to alleviate his pain.

Evan worse, the visiting hours were now up, and once again Trent and Sonny had to leave their friend in his time of need.

**... ... ...**

When what was left of Bravo Team finally landed on friendly soil, the fresh breeze of the afternoon carried with it a mild smell of gasoline, but to the soldiers' noses it was the sweetest scent in the world as it was totally free of dust and moisture.

"Alright guys, you have a couple of days off now," Blackburn said, getting ready to enter the base. "Go get some rest, enjoy your time with your families."

"Thank you, sir," Jason said, heading toward the parking lot followed by Ray, Davis, Brock and Cerberus.

"Hey, Jace, shouldn't we call the guys to make sure everything's okay there?" Brock said, while making the dog settle in the back of his truck.

Jason looked up at the sky for a moment. "Let them breathe, it will be night there."

"Yeah, they will call when they have some news on the Kid," Ray said, his tone not calm as usual, as if he was trying to convince himself more than his younger teammate.

The soldiers' minds immediately travelled to Clay's appearance the last time they talked to him. He was getting better, he _must_ be.

"I already told you, sir, you can not enter the base." A severe voice reached Bravo's ears, drawing their attention to the gate.

"I'm not going to move from here till I speak with a high ranking officer," a second man spoke.

"I say again, sir, you need to leave, or you will be detained," the soldier continued, while Bravo members approached the two arguing men.

"You are Persona Non Grata, you can not be here any longer."

"I don't care about the PNG policy, I _need_ to speak with an officer in there."

"Ash Spenser, no less," Jason said, getting to the entrance followed by Ray and Brock.

"Hayes! Where the hell is Clay?" Ash asked, trying to muscle in.

"Back off now, sir, or I'll be forced to restrain you." The soldier at the gate put a hand before his chest, forcing Ash to move a couple of steps back.

"Don't you dare touch me!" Ash clenched his fist.

In that air, if someone had lit a match the place would have blown.

"Hayes, where the hell his my son?" Spenser Sr. tried once again to go through the guard.

The soldier reacted as he was trained, bashing his opponent's face on the guardhouse and firmly holding the man's arm behind his back.

The other guard made a move toward them, but Jason made him a sign to stay put. Then he got out from the base boundaries and relieved the soldier in his task of dealing with Ash.

"Are you calm now?" he said, making the ex-SEAL move toward his car.

"I just have to know Clay is okay," Ash said, freeing himself from Jason's touch.

"Clay is okay," Jason said, serious. "Bravo Three and Five are with him right now."

"Where is my boy?" Ash refused to move a single more step.

"Wait, who told you Clay was hurt?" Ray stepped in. "I'm pretty sure you're not his emergency contact, and I don't think he would call you in person, otherwise you'd know where he is now."

"Yeah, why don't you call him and ask him in person, Spenser?" Jason said.

"It doesn't matter!" Ash raised his voice. "I knew he got hurt and now I wanna know what happened to him."

Jason huffed, "He doesn't answer your calls, does he?"

"He is my son, I have every right to ask about him."

"For what?" Ray faced him nose-to-nose. "For making him the main character in your next book?"

"Ray, back off!" Jason intervened before things could get worse. "I don't know what's between you and Clay, but you lost that right when he didn't include you on his ICE. And I'm gonna back him up in this."

"I don't know who you think you are," Ash stood still, arm crossed. "I am not moving from here till I know what the hell happened to my son!"

Jason took in a deep breath, thinking about Emma and Mickey. What would he do if one of his children was hurt and some men said to him he had no right to know? Surely a bigger mess than Spenser Sr. here was doing.

"Alright, listen," Jason looked around, as to make sure no one could see him leaking information. "There's no way we are discussing our actions with a PNG. What I will tell you is that Clay took a bad hit, was transported to LRMC and now he's recovering well."

The two men glared at each other.

"Be satisfied with that until you can talk to Clay in person," Jason finished, and stared to Ash till jumped on his car.

"Unbelievable," Ray said, shaking his head.

**... ... ...**

Two days had already passed since Trent and Sonny entered the hospital for the first time. Every single time they crossed those hallways, the fluorescent lights, the deafening quiet, and the sterile smell made them feel like they were visiting purgatory.

Determining whether they were headed to paradise or to hell was the sight of Clay still confined in his bed.  
If the color on his cheeks was marked enough and the sweat was not making his skin glow, then they could relax; otherwise, they had to grit their teeth, suck up their sorrow and just be there for him as long as he needed them.

Unfortunately, their time was almost up. They soon had to go back to the States and resume their job. The thought of flying back without Clay weighed on the two soldiers' hearts.

Trent and Sonny rapidly walked that path yet again, expecting the unexpected. Besides, this was Clay, and the past had amply demonstrated to them that things were often never what they seemed with him.

Trent stopped his teammate at Clay's door. Glancing inside, the two could see a hot brunette taking care of the bed-rested soldier. The nurse perfectly fit in her camouflage uniform and every little gesture she made was so gentle it made them jealous.

"You can come in, soldiers," nurse Blake said without turning to them, her voice was so warm they felt sorry for Clay not hearing it.

Trent and Sonny's eyes met.  
_We should work on our silent incursion skills if the girl sensed us like that, _they both thought.

"I'm done with him." The nurse now turned back; her smile was so disarming that the two SEALs instantaneously relaxed on their feet and her tender look melted their hard armor.

Trent and Sonny entered and shifting their attention from the nurse's backside to their young friend, they saw Clay was radiant, his blue eyes and his big smile brightening the whole room.

"We have good news," Clay said, his voice hardly containing his joy. "Are you ready to go home?"

"You're good to fly?" Sonny asked, fearing to say that out loud lest he jinx the chance to take him home with them.

Nurse Blake nodded, and didn't let Clay finish reading his friend's words on the laptop screen, answering for him. "He's not yet at the end of his journey, but yes, he is good to go home."

"That's great, Buddy!" Sonny bumped his fist with Clay, his excitement uncontainable. "When do _we_ take off?"

"We are gonna take the medical plane with him, right?" Trent asked, knowing there was no way in the world Clay could take a regular flight in his current condition.

"Of course we are!" Sonny said, sure. "Aren't we?" he peered in the nurse's chocolate-brown eyes, his tone getting more uncertain.

The three SEALs held their breath, waiting for the answer with their muscles tensed; they _needed_ to be all together, Trent and Sonny would never forgive themselves for letting Clay fly alone once again.

"Yes, you are." The smile on the nurse's face was so kind that it warmed their hearts. "Don't worry big babies, you will spend a lot of time with your pretty boy."

"He ain't that pretty," Sonny scoffed.

"There's still a little red tape to go through for the transfer. As I already told him" -nurse Blake glanced down to her patient- "he's gonna spend a little more time in an American hospital."

"Yeah, a _little_ time," Clay said, determined. "I'm gonna be out of there in a flash and back in action with you." He searched for a hint of light in his friends' eyes. "No way I'll leave you guys to have all the fun without me."

"Of course you're not, Kid." Sonny grinned in the brightest sign of support.

"Hey, easy there." Blake's expression was now more severe. "Don't rush things, there's still a risk you could compromise everything if you overstrain yourself."

Hearing those words made their blood run cold, and glancing down, they could see Clay clenching his fists while reading the nurse's word on the screen.

"Don't worry, we got him." Trent patted Clay on his shoulder. "We'll make sure he sticks to doctor's orders."

**... ... ...**

The empty hangar made the soldier's steps and voices echo in the air, especially when they had to raise their volume to communicate with Clay.

The plane was equipped with all the medical tools the corpsmen needed to support the injured soldier in his ride home, and at that point of their journey the persistent smell of antiseptic was stuck in the SEALs' noses and it didn't bothered them anymore.

Sonny and Trent would not let Clay out of their sight, even if there were two medical officers diligently doing their job.

"Guys, you don't have to do this," Clay said, meeting eyes alternatively with each one of his friends.

"Do what?" The two SEALs shrugged.

"It's a long flight, go take a nap, or something... You're creeping me out."

"And you're point is?" Sonny acted like he was talking to an old lady, and that made Trent laugh soundly.

"I'm serious guys, settle in." Clay whined, almost begging, his eyes making clear how much he wanted his friends to not stress over him.

"As you wish, Princess," Sonny smirked, while he and Trent quieted down.

The trip was proceeding quietly when the two SEALs heard Clay let out a little whine and immediately looked up to check on him, seeing him gagging.

"Here we go again," Trent said, watching Clay's face turning green in a flash. Cold sweat started to collect on his forehead, copying the drips forming on his friend body.

"I'm feeling sick..." Clay gagged again. He tried to rise, growling because he was secured to the litter.

The two SEALs saw Clay gasping for air, trying to control his reflexes.

"Corpsman!" Trent called out and promptly took a bag for Clay. Then he rapidly loosened the straps and helped him on his side to avoid choking.

Clay's stomach turned, and Trent looked up, holding the bag with one hand. The suffering sounds his friend made and the sight of him struggling like that broke Trent's heart.

The older soldier had his left hand resting on the youngster's shoulder, feeling his friend's body shivering and all his muscles contracting.  
When the corpsman reached them, Trent gave his place to him and shifted aside to support Clay's exhausted body. "Easy there, buddy. Easy," he said, comforting.

After a couple of minutes retching, Clay tried to roll onto his back again, breathing heavily as the vomiting drained his strength. Trent eased Clays' body onto the thin mattress, and threw him a supportive look.

"Feel better now?" The corpsman asked, putting away the full bag and grabbing an empty one, just in case.

"You okay?" Trent repeated loudly as Clay was not responding to the other man.

Observing Clay's staring look, they noticed his pupils were dilated and his eyes were in search of something in the air. He was unable to talk and barely breathing with his whole body shivering.

Once again, something was not right with him.

**... ... ...**

* * *

**_Author's Note_**_: Thank you all again._

_I find so warming how the guys all back up Clay in one way or another. I just love writing their support to each other._

_I'm now working on the final chapter, but I'm afraid it will take a while. I apologize in advance, t__hanks for your patience._


	10. Chapter 10

The familiar smell of the back of a plane, even if mixed up with the sterile odor typical of a sick bay, made Clay feel already at home.  
Riding back with his two teammates at his side was the most normal experience for him. He had done that a hundred of times in the past year, and he loved the sensation.

A hint of a smirk appeared on his face; reassuring smiles appeared on Sonny and Trent's while they tried to hide their concern for the trip.  
They were going home together; Clay was about to reunite with the whole Team, and his friends were taking care of him.

Clay sighed. _Not for long_, _they won't need to take care of me like this for long_, he thought. And he knew it was not because they were abandoning him, but because he would be back in action soon. _Very soon_, he hoped.

But right now, the young SEAL needed to hold on those positive thoughts, he needed it in order to take his unfailing companions under control.

Yes, once again, the nausea had awakened in him alongside with his head spinning. It happened the instant he moved from his bed to the stretcher; it increased when they moved him through the hallways; it became the hardest to bear during the take off.

_Damn tympanic rupture_, Clay thought, trying to dissimulate his distress, _when the hell I'm gonna have my equilibrium back?_

He looked at his friends, they could not see him struggle anymore. He needed to be strong, to show them he could be back with them soon; so Clay buried everything down, the nausea, the fatigue, the sorrow. Until he didn't anymore.

Until he _couldn't _anymore, and he found himself gagging.

_Oh Gosh! If I'm gonna vomit at least let's not do it on myself_, Clay thought and tried to lift his torso, only to remember he was strapped to the stretcher.

He felt constricted, and breathing was hard while the taste of bile filled his mouth. Only Trent's prompt presence made his tensed muscles relax a bit. But only a bit.

A second later Clay was on his side, his stomach giving up even last year Thanksgiving's dinner.

Clay's chest was burning and his stomach cramped and clenched. The only thing preventing him to surrender to the stinging pain and the fatigue he felt was Trent's warmth and his strong grip on him.

Painfully gasping for air, Clay's body wouldn't cooperate much. The more he tried to force the air in, the more exhausted he felt. The more the exhaustion got to him, the more the need to breathe increased. But he couldn't breathe, and as the last traces of oxygen abandoned his body, his mind clouded.

Clay's eyes started wandering around; he could not focus on the moving lips of the men around him, and the ringing in his ears prevented the SEAL from hearing their voices. Worst, the concerned look on Trent's face made his anxiety grow as the metallic taste of blood filled his mouth.

**... ... ...**

Clay's gasps echoed in the void hangar, his face turning paler every second and his eyes wandering aimlessly.

"Something's not right!" As Trent said that, he felt Clay trying to turn again under his grip.

Sonny jumped to his toes. _What? What does that mean? _he thought, holding his breath.

Then Trent promptly helped Clay on his side, and a gush of blood came out from the young soldier's mouth.

"Damn it!" The corpsman drew his colleague's attention and made Trent step back to leave them the space to act.

The look the man had on and the tone he used made the two SEAL's blood run cold. For a split second Sonny and Trent exchanged a terrified look, only to get immediately back to the pale, not-breathing, and unresponsive Clay.

"What's happening?" Sonny moved a step toward them. He _needed_ to help his little brother, but before he could go any farther, he found Trent's hand on his chest preventing him from advancing.

The look on the older SEAL's face was clear, hardly hiding the terror, but clear. It said, 'give them space'.

"Hemothorax! He must have punctured his lung," the other corpsman continued, his tone cold while getting ready for the action.

Trent and Sonny both watched powerlessly as the corpsmen took out a scalpel and a plastic tube.

"What are they doing?" Sonny hinted a move again; he could not let them hurt Clay.

"It's okay, Sonny. It's okay, they know what they're doing." Stepping back cost Trent a lot, and making Sonny do the same was not easy either, but it was the right thing to do.

"The strain and the repeated movement Clay made vomiting must have made one of his broken ribs perforate a lung." Trent explained, his eyes locked on the medical procedure.

"_What_?" Sonny glanced at him, his jaw dropping. "I thought they would not be a problem anymore," he continued, growing pale. "Damn, I thought he was healing well!"

"Healing takes time, Sonny." Trent kept staring at his suffering teammate on the stretcher. "It's not as bad as it seem. Calm down," he reassured his mate. "They only have to insert a chest tube to relieve the pressure, and inflate is lung."

The two watched breathlessly as the corpsmen performed the procedure on their helpless friend. One of them made Clay put his arm behind his head and lifted his shirt to give his colleague the space to make the incision.  
Trent and Sonny could feel the cold of the betadine poured abundantly on Clay's chest as if it was touching their own skin. They both had to hold their flinch as the medic carefully cut Clay's skin for a couple of centimeters.

They could see Clay's abdominal muscles tense and him grit his teeth when the sharp tool touched his skin, a small steam of blood escaping from the new wound.  
Their own bodies tensed at the impulse to approach their friend and do something for him, but Trent backed up Sonny and vice versa, so they managed to control themselves.

The silence in the back of the plane was deafening while the corpsman inserted the tube in the cut on Clay's side. As the plastic penetrated Clay's chest, he let out a suffocated growl that painfully made its way to Sonny and Trent's hearts.

Despite the fact that the time seemed to have stopped, the procedure took only a couple minutes. As soon as it was complete, blood started flowing in the tube, and a few seconds later, they saw Clay loudly take in a deep breath, his skin gradually coming back to a darker pink, his lips slowly turning again from blue to red.

"That's it, see?" Trent said, still on his toes. "He's gonna be fine, right guys?"

One of the corpsman nodded, "We'll monitor him closely till we land, but he's out of danger for now."

"You can relax, we got him," the other medic added, putting an oxygen mask on his patient's face.

As those words echoed in the air, the adrenaline rush in the two SEAL's veins rapidly settled down, leaving them to deal with that painful sight without backup.

Sonny was almost paralyzed, out of breath just like Clay was.  
He could deal with _anything_ in the field, but being so powerless while his brother was suffering like that, while Clay was risking his life, was too much for him.

The SEAL stood there, his lips pursed and his eyes fixed on his brother's pained expression, till he had to slightly bend over to take a few deep breaths.

"I'm feeling the same, Buddy," Trent gently patted Sonny's back. "Feeling the same."

"Sit down now, we'll land in half an hour," one of the medics said, after checking with the pilot.

The two soldiers reluctantly settled, tension still in their muscles.  
If taking their eyes off Clay was hard before _that_ happened, now it was nearly impossible, and the both of them could not help but stare at his sweaty skin, while the corpsmen made sure Clay continued breathing.

**... ... ...**

In the sunny afternoon, Jason, Ray, and Brock were waiting outside the hospital. Their legs were restless and they couldn't help but wandering around, eyes fixed on the horizon till they finally spotted Trent and Sonny approaching. The two had noticeable bags under their eyes, and their faces were pale and marked by exhaustion.

"Woah, what happened?" Jason asked, immediately noticing their tense expressions. "You said Clay was doing good. He's not?" Concern was clear in his voice, his words making Ray and Brock hold their breath.

"There was a little complication during the flight," Trent said in a cold voice, underlining his zombie-like appearance. "It seems the kid likes complications too much."

They all watched silently while the two corpsmen guided the stretcher out. Despite the oxygen mask preventing them from clearly seeing Clay's baby face, they could still see his pained expression.

When they looked down, they saw Clay's shirt was blood-stained and the tube going out of his chest, and they immediately turned to Trent and Sonny with questions on their faces. But in that moment the silence could not be broken, and their attention was again on their injured mate.

As the caretakers carefully transferred the young, helpless man to his new accommodation, the sight of Clay's limp body abandoned on the thin mattress made Bravo's heart clench.

"He'll be fine," Trent finally spoke up. "It will only take a little more time, but he'll completely recover," he explained as they all followed Clay in.

Bravo members waited outside the room till the nurses settled their new patient, but as soon as they received the green light, they all entered to stay with him.

With Clay's eardrums slowly healing, they feared to bother the young soldier in his quiet sleep, so the silence in the room was religious. At times, they even feared to breathe, but on the other hand, they all wanted Clay to wake up for them, to hear his voice and see his blue eyes.

Nervously waiting there with the others, Ray was standing in the corner of the room, even more quiet than the rest. Perhaps he was praying, or maybe he was thinking about the first thing to say to Clay after he woke up, but one thing was clear from his face, he could barely look at his injured friend.

**... ... ...**

The moment Clay opened his eyes and tried to talk through the plastic mask, Bravo surrounded his bed and stared at him with concerned expressions on their tired faces.

Seeing them there in full force was so good that Clay ignored the pain he felt in his chest and forced his voice out. "What happened? When did we land?" he laboriously swallowed, fighting the pain.

Trent took the laptop in his hands and spoke into it, so Clay could read his words instead of putting all his effort into making his ears work. "We got here one hour ago, you had a crisis on the plane, don't you remember?"

Clay closed his eyes for a moment and nodded, replaying in his mind the past few hours. For sure the sensation of having a tube inserted in his chest was not pleasant, how could he not remember that?

"So, you think you are done scaring the hell out of us?" Sonny filled the silence. "I'm sick of having to worry about you."

"Yeah, about that..." Clay removed the oxygen mask, "I'm sorry guys." He surely wanted to say more than just that, but the words couldn't come out. Breathing was painful enough on its own.

A million thoughts occurred to him while looking his teammates in the eyes. They kept worrying for him, and that was a good sensation, after all. That meant they still cared for him, but at the same time Clay hated to be responsible of putting his friends in such a tough spot. He hated the idea he was causing them pain.

"Thanks-" Clay cleared his throat and painfully continued to talk- "for all this, for...  
Being there, for..."

"Hey, don't mention it," Jason said, his kind expression underlining the truth of his statement.

Trying to peer into each of his friends' souls, Clay could not tell if they were fighting to not answer all at once, or if his words baffled them.

"Yeah, you know, we couldn't let you ruin Bravo reputation by getting lost like that," Sonny grinned, his eyes saying, 'you will never be lost with us'.

"No, I-I do..." Clay insisted, "Thanks for coming back for me." His voice was croaky but his words were true to his heart. "I- I'm sorry I put you in danger having to come back to save my ass there."

Pandora's box was open, a deep, open-heart conversation was in the air. Although, the elephant had been sitting there for too long and it was damn time for them to clear the air.

"Hey, no, don't say that," Jason continued. "No one is left behind, ever! I made the wrong call sending you there alone. I'm the one who should apologize."

"We all have to," Sonny interrupted before Ray could approach and speak up for himself. "We're sorry we doubted you, Clay. We should never do that."

The SEALs all nodded, guilty looks on their faces. For them addressing the issue was harder than jumping from an airplane. They were men of action, not once to speak from the heart. They were Team guys, they just were always there for each other.

Stick together, no words needed.

Clay hesitated, "Yeah... no, I- I should have talked to you about my-my dad's book... it's just..." -he looked up, confusion in his voice- "he just..." A sparkling in his eye appeared, telling his friends a tear was about to escape his control.

"No, it's not your fault, Clay," Jason said, putting a hand on his shoulder and waiting for the young soldier to read the screen. "We know you don't have anything to do with that, we just should have listened to you."

_So they have faith in me? They truly believe in me? I can be on the Team again_... _A real part of It_, Clay thought, a hint of a smile appearing on his face, but the look on his teammates' face still hurt his soul. The idea of being responsible for that was more painful than his burning chest, but there was still something he needed to get off of it.

Clay cleared his throat, "I-I, um, I doubted you too... so... I think we are even."

The SEALs all looked at each other, face stunned, then back to Clay, his misty, blue eyes silently begging them to forgive him.

"In the desert, when I was alone," he had to clear his throat again, trying to explain himself. "I- I doubted you would came to take me back.  
I'm sorry, I shouldn't, but I felt..."

Clay could feel the sorrow he was causing his friends.

"I felt so..." he couldn't say it out loud. He could not tell them how the fear and the loneliness ate at his soul.

"We should not have put you in the position to think that," Jason said, his straight look on Clay while he read the words on the screen. "But you will never have to think that again, am I clear?"

"You know," Clay said, fighting tears forming in his eyes. "Adam said something once..."

_Adam_, hearing that name made Bravo flinch. The memory of his death was like salt on the wound almost losing Clay was.

"He said, 'you'll find out that the Team is everything you need'," Clay continued. "And I did, I found that out with you guys."

Bravo members all smiled, and for sure Clay was not the only one who was holding back a tear now.

"Six people with one beating heart, right?" Clay forced the corners of his mouth to lift despite the pain assaulting his whole body.

"Sorry to interrupt, soldiers" -a doctor entered the room- "but my patient needs to rest now."

"Of course," Jason said, nodding at him. "One minute and we're out."

"Okay, but make it be just one," the doctor severely said before leaving the room.

"Hey, we'll leave you to your beauty sleep now, okay?" Jason said, a smirk relieving the concern on his face.

"He will need far more than a few hours of sleep for that," Sonny scoffed.

"At least for me there's some hope," Clay grinned, hiding the fatigue that was seriously getting to him.

The SEALs all chuckled and greeted Clay with nods and supportive looks. Passing by his bed, Brock tapped him on the shoulder, and Trent did the same while Sonny decided to fist-bump. And while Jason's look said it all, Ray's dismissive one made some doubts grow in Clay once again.

"Ray, wait!" Clay forced his voice out, a grimace appearing on his face as the hint of movement he made caused an acute pain to sting his chest.

But Clay could not let Ray leave like that, not now that they were in the same continent and in the same room again.

Ray looked back at him, holding his breath, then turned to Jason, as to silently ask him what he should do.

Bravo One moved his lips, saying something Clay couldn't get, and nodded at them both, an encouraging look on his face.

"Yeah, I'm here, brother." Ray stopped while the rest of the team left the two alone.

"I-" Clay had to pause, trying to take in a deep breath with his chest still on fire. "I need to..." he panted, barely able to keep his eyes open. The flight and the 'little inconvenience' he had during it had truly drained his strength.

"You don't have to say anything," Ray approached the bed, and made sure Clay could read his words on the screen. "We have plenty of time to talk, Buddy. You need to rest now."

"No... I need to..." Clay breath was so heavy that Ray had to take the oxygen mask from his friend's hands and gently place it back on his face.

"I need to know if we're okay..." Clay's voice barely reached Ray's ears through the plastic mask.

"Of course we are. You don't have to worry anymore, I'm right here for you." A tear marked Ray's cheek, while his tone must have been the warmest and kindest, if only Clay could actually hear it.

Clay's forehead was now covered in sweat, and his chest lifted slowly and glitchy. Despite his hard efforts to keep his eyes open, there was not a chance his body would obey his will, and he silently drifted away.

**... ... ...**

The same night Trent and Sonny took Clay back home, Bravo Team were spun up, heading God knows where in the world. They were still one man down and they didn't even have the chance to tell Clay they were leaving on an assignment.

Four days passed with them not being able to communicate with their missing member, and when they landed back on friendly soil, they rushed to see his status, even though it was five in the morning.

Sonny was the first one to enter the room, immediately followed by the rest of the Team. Despite the morning light not fully penetrating the half-lifted blinds, they could see Clay's cheeks bringing out a fine pink color; the dressing on his arms were now lighter and the tube in his chest was gone.

Bravo all gave relieved sighs, their beaten bodies feeling lighter, and their huge smiles making their exhausted faces glow.  
The kid was gonna be okay, they could see that now. They could finally feel that.

"Well, the flight was worth the sight, guys," Sonny said, sitting in and relaxing on a chair.

"I never thought to say this, but dang," Clay's sleepy voice drew the guys attention on him, "it's so good to wake up to the sound of your voice, Sonny."

"Sound?" Trent asked, approaching the bed while Sonny jumped to his feet again.

Surprise and excitement appeared on the SEALs' faces while they surrounded Clay. He still didn't looked at them, but his lips were curved in a bright smile.

"You mean you can hear us?" Sonny asked, his eyes brightening with hope.

"It's not the sweetest sound in the world, but yeah, I have to admit I missed it a lot." Clay opened his baby eyes to them, his voice joyful.

"Oh, thank God," Trent said, "I've had enough being Sonny's confessor, I'll gladly hand that task back to you, Buddy." He patted his young mate on the shoulder.

"Sorry, what? I don't think I heard what you just said," Clay smirked.

"Very funny guys," Sonny huffed, his eyes still glowing in joy through the semi-dark room.

"Well, you should go have some rest now," Clay said, "and a shower. You shall really have a shower."

The atmosphere in the hospital room was completely relaxed for the first time in two weeks.

"I'm serious guys, you stink, the air here is getting unbreathable," Clay scoffed.

The guys all looked at each other, they were all smiling and their eyes glowed through their exhaustion.

Leaving, Ray turned to Clay and their eyes met. They both felt there was still something not said between them. Once again, however, this was not the right time, and Ray left without saying a single word.

**... ... ...**

Finally, the silence. It seemed weird to think that, but Clay had not had that since his eardrums were damaged.

_This_ was a good silence, though; it was not like the desert swallowing him, but a reassuring quiet, made of turned off monitors and absolutely no buzzing in his ears. Clay had not had that for so long.  
He could not turn off the humming, and the thinking, and the suffering for such a long while, and now that he had it, that peace didn't even seem real. But there it was, and most importantly, now he was not confined.

Now that he had almost totally recovered his hearing, Clay could pick up the phone and hear his friend's voices, he could have them visit him in person and talk face to face without a damn device being the interpreter.

He could also chose the silence, but only if he wanted to.

Clay was healing. The clean and cool air now managed to permeate his body almost without any effort. The tubes and the IV's were gone, as was the gown; he had missed his own clothes so much, and the sensation of having them on his skin was so good.

Now he was allowed to stand on his own. No nausea hitting him for sitting for too long, no head spinning when he tried to move. Well, he still had some balance problems now and then, he had to admit that, but he was working on it, and he was on the right track.

But beyond all this, what made him feel he was healing in truth was the fact that he finally managed to pee standing up. That was a big step for him.

He could finally call himself a man again.

Clay was just coming back to his bed without embarrassing accidents where he had to call for help and be treated like a baby, when Ray came into his room.

"Hey, you seem ready to get back in action." Ray smiled to Clay, accompanying his returning to bed with a kind look.

"Yeah," Clay chuckled, his body still failing to stay up for long. "Let me have a night in my own bed before that."

"I just talked to the nurse, she says you're almost there, brother." Ray moved a few steps inside the room, an awkward feeling slipping through both their voices.

"Yeah, you know, 'nobody cares, work harder', right?"

A little pause followed by a deep breath, and then Clay opened his mouth again. "I'm gonna be back on Bravo soon, if you" -he hesitated again- "if you still like the idea."

"What are you talking about?" Ray frowned. "We're dying to have you back. Sonny may won't admit that, but he is literally counting the days." Ray had to sit on the edge of the bed as his knees suddenly felt weak.

"What about _you_," Clay looked away for a second, clearing his throat, then turned back to face his friend. "What do you think?"

"Of course I want to see you back in the field, Clay." Ray's pained expression made Clay sense all his sorrow under his skin. "There is nothing I would like more than having you back with us." Ray continued, his heart in his hand.

The two SEALs remained in silence for a moment, peering deep in each other's eyes.

"Look, I'm sorry if I made you think I wouldn't... I-" Ray had to stop, this much needed conversation was bringing up the pain he had been trying to hide for weeks.

"I thought I did something wrong," Clay said, forcing his voice to get out straight and clear. "You always stood in the back during my calls, and you never talked, so I-"

"No, hey no! I'm the one who did it wrong, okay? I should have never left you there alone, I should have never left you behind."

"Come on man, what are you talking about? You're the one who saved my ass; you were there for me when I needed it the most." Clay's expression was a mixture of reassurance and disbelief. "Yours was the first face I saw, the one that dragged me out of my silence."

Ray couldn't hold back a sigh, tears were filling his eyes but he had no intention of letting them go.  
"When I had to leave you there," he continued.

"No," Clay wanted so desperately to reassure his friend; he felt his pain so sharply that he felt guilty for putting him through all that. "I put myself in that situation, you only brought me back."

"Yeah," Ray cleared his throat, "yeah I did. We all did."

Clay sniffed, trying to hide the explosion of emotion behind a smirk. "Oh, hell, I must have hit my head too in that damn blast; I've became too fuzzy!" He raked a disarmingly bright smile, "What's your excuse, brother?"

Ray laughed, mirroring his mate's expression.

The sun was shining again on Bravo Team, the feeling they were gonna soon be whole again kept their hearts warm and beating for one another.

**... ... ...**

**The End**

**... ... ...**

* * *

**_Author's note: _**_So, this is it!  
It was an interesting journey, and a full experience for me. __**Thank You** so much for having shared it with me through all the ups and downs, all the doubts and the renewed courage. I loved writing this despite all the moments of discouragement.  
_

_I'm sincerely grateful to all who read my story from beginning to end, to who encouraged and helped me out, and to everyone who left a review.  
A special thanks to **LunasInSilver** for the precious help as my Beta Reader for the last few chapters.  
_

_To everyone who has come this far with me,  
**Thanks a lot!**_


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